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October 30, 2006

Internet Explorer...

As far as I can tell, the problem I mention before occurs only with IE7 on a pc. It seems earlier iterations of IE work fine and of course REAL BROWSERS on all platformshave no problems at all.

Sorry, but IE is such a crappy browser compared to, oh, I don't know, a rock shoved through your screen, that I'm surprised they keep coming out with new versions.

Anyway, since I'm using Firefox on a mac both at home and work, I'm having a hard time seeing the issue. Any feedback would be appreciated.

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too much?

To be filed under "too much effort"?

I'm in a pasta mood lately, specifically, in a roll my own sort of mood. Also, in a pumpkin, apple, kale, sage kind of mood.

I mixed one pound of flour with one can of pumpkin, let the stand mixer knead this for me and I let it rest. Well, obviously, the ratio was way off and it needed way more flour, the dough was too wet. The problem is that of you knead in any more flour you have to let it rest again. So I added the flour and let it rest.

It was still wet when I went to roll it, but not terribly so. At this stage, if the dough is not too wet, you can dust it liberally with flour before each rolling.

I made a sauce of kale, apples, garlic, sage and fennel seed and the whole meal would have been perfect had I not overcooked the pasta by just a minute. Dang.

David is telling me lately that I've been working too hard on dinners, but it's the best I have to give so I keep doing it.

There's still half the dough left and I am thinking gorgonzola, pear, hazelnut sauce...

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tired

You know you're tired when the lady on the radio says, "The weather is supported by Seabiz..." and you spend a minutes trying to figure out how you support the weather. Do you go out and congratulate the sun? Buy groceries for the clouds? Hold an intervention for the jet stream?

Then you figure it out and you'd laugh but your face is too tired.

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October 29, 2006

2 years

2 years ago I went on a date with this guy. He was sweet, smart and funny. Part way through dinner he noticed I was meticulously picking the onions out of my meal. I don't like onions and had not realized that my choice would be so loaded with them. He offered to exchange dinners even though he was a vegetarian and my dinner had chicken in it.

"Too nice for me," I thought. I figured if we spent enough time together he'd figure out what kind of asshole I was and stop returning my calls. On the other hand he was a really good kisser so I figured I'd ride the ride until he came to his senses.

And here we are, two years later. He's still rectifying my mistakes, putting up with my bad habits and shaking his head at my asshole nature. He's survived my moods, my crankiness, my dogs. He likes my cooking and my jokes and my fat ass.

I always figured I was fun for the first few months, one of those goofy chicks that are a crazy good time but not really worth it once things start getting real. For the past 2 years I could never really figure out why he stayed, why he liked me so much. I just don't know.

But I like that he's here and I love the way he smiles and the way he laughs and the way he lets me know that things are going to be okay.

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October 27, 2006

Issues

1) why is it that in Monsters Inc Boo's parents aren't concerned that she is missing for a few days? Maybe they are? Maybe the alternate POV movie is Poltergeist! Closets, monsters, people going missing. Sure it seems funny from the monster's point of view, but I bet it's really fucking freaky from the parent's point of view.

2) apparently this site doesn't show up if you are using internet explorer on a pc. I did not know that. I'm assuming it's because people using IE on a PC can't see the site and assume there's something wrong with it and don't tell me. orsomething. Okay, so if anyone knows about CSS and why this might be happening, please let me know.

3) it's my anniversary weekend and I have a cold.

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October 26, 2006

The decoy maneuver

The decoy maneuver is one of Ghengis's finest tricks. I'm incredibly proud of him for not only tricking Maddie (not hard at all) but for also tricking me. It took me a long time to figure out he was just doing this to get a place at my side, not to warn us of possible invasion.

The Scenario: I am home sick today. I'm curled up on the sofa with my coffee, my crochet projects and the Alien Quadrilogy playing. Maddie is curled up next to me. Ghengis is napping on the loveseat on the other side of the room.

The Issue: Ghengis would certainly prefer to be the one curled up next to me as I provide considerably more warmth than the blanket he is nesting in, but Maddie is already there and if he pulls the 'Jerk Maneuver' it will entail at least 15 minutes of roughhousing with Maddie and she still might not give up the seat.

The Solution: The only viable solution, as he sees it, is the Decoy Maneuver. The DM has Ghengis growling, hackles up and running around. Maddie will react as expected, she will get up and investigate looking for the possible interloper. She must protect the den! Maddie gets up, Ghengis takes her seat at my side, Maddie moves to the loveseat.

Possible Issues: If Ghengis is too urgent in his barking he'll get yelled at by me to shut the hell up. If he is too subtle Maddie will switch into Blocker Mode where she presses her entire body across mine in an effort to either keep me safe or get her own protection.

Known Factors: Ghengis knows that unless there is actual angry fighting (as can happen over peanut butter, though it is entirely rare) I will not get involved in their disputes or referee for them. I don't care how they determine pack order as long as they acknowledge I am the Alpha. Ghengis also knows that Maddie will not put up a fight for the seat as she prefers the "Hippo Maneuver" wherein she just forces her way onto Ghengis and squeezes him out.

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October 24, 2006

Nobody cares

what the hell happened to me? This afternoon I was sitting at my desk all excited about what I'd had for lunch. I was fucking GIDDY after lunch.

Of course, it's been opined that nobody cares what I had for lunch and by all rights I should not care what I had for lunch. There was a time when I got all excited by extra tequila, date night or live nude donkeys. Now i get excited by my own lunch.

What did I have? What excited me so damned much?
Salami on rye with cheddar and homemade mustard
Tomato and lettuce kept seperate until lunch
An apple
Some carrots
A cookie

Good times.

I was a little less excited to take Maddie to the vet. again. for her feet. again. This time we were told to take her to a dermatologist, that she probably has an allergy, either airborne or food related. It's disheartening. There is no answer in site. The vet was clear, even if we go to the dermatologist it will probably take a battery of tests and a lot of trial and error before we figured out what was wrong and what to do about it.

We're going to have to have a charity walk to raise money for her treatment.

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October 23, 2006

spicy

While I was putting away groceries the other night I found an unopened bag of guajillo peppers. I couldn't believe I'd forgotten them. And like most of my food experiments, it starts with a craving and a single found ingredient and a need to combine the two to make it work out. I wanted to make my butternut squash enchiladas and decided to make my own sauce...

spicy enchilada sauce

into the crockpot...
1 can diced tomatoes (with the juices)
1 dried guajillo pepper, ripped to pieces
1 dried ancho chili ripped to pieces
2 diced jalapenos
2 tbl chili powder
1/2 tsp oregano
1 tbl cocoa powder
1 cinnamon stick
1 bay leaf
1/2 tb pepper
1/2 tbl salt
1 tsp cumin seeds
1 tsp lightly crushed coriander seeds
1 cup water
1/8 head of garlic
Optional:
1 black (not green or white) cardamom pod
1/2 tbl smoked spanish paprika

Set on high, cook for 3 hours. Remove cinnamon stick, bay leaf and cardamom pod. Run through food processor or blender until smooth.

I used this on squash and sweet corn enchiladas last night. It ended up being spicier than I expected but it was really good.

The black cardamom pod adds a subtle sweet smokiness, same as the smoked spanish paprika but I know those are both hard to come by if you don't have a good spice shop near you.

« September 2006 | Main | November 2006 »

zen and the art of the noodle

Like every hipster kitchen geek I own an Atlas pasta maker. I've had it for years. I bought it at a garage sale, i think it had only been used once. Used once and deemed "pain in the ass" and set aside, later to be sold because it was heavy and taking up too much space.

I brought it home and I used it...once.

I didn't even use for making pasta. I used it for a Martha Stewart recipe for rustic pizza dough.

A few weeks ago I made homemade raviolis and hand formed the dough. A few days later I wanted to make them again for dinner at David's sister's house. Wanting to be more authentic I pulled out the pasta maker and rolled out sheets of pasta dough.

It was the first time I'd really made pasta in it. It was disastrous.

Okay, not really disastrous, but there were many mistakes mades. Thoughtless errors that could hae been avoided and a bruise on my forearm that was the result of not having the c-clamp to hold it in place. The raviolis tasted fine, but they were problematic. There were lessons to be learned.

There was leftover dough. Undeterred, the next night I rolled the dough again to make fettucini for dinner. I started to get the hang of it. It's not a battle to fight, it's not a triumph that you win.

It's a calming process.

It's not unlike making chicken stock, the end result is great, fine, but the process that got you there is what soothes and calms you.

You start with your dough and your machine. You cut your dough into manageable pieces. You start working it through at the widest setting. The dough wants to fight you, the proteins want to bind up, the dough wants to break. Your job isn't to break the spirit of the dugh, but to finesse it. Much like navigating the holidays with divorced parents, you have to leave everyone thinking they won.

You crank it through, fold it in half, crank it through, fold it in half, crank it through. Soon, it starts cooperating, but it only cooperates so long as you stay calm and focused.

zenlike.

if you fold it too thick, run it through too fast, look at it funny, the proteins could bind and you go back a step or two. And this is good for you.

Stay focused, go slow, don't rush. If you do you lose a turn, you have to back up. You have to clear your mind of all the frustrations of the day, all the worries of the season. You and your pasta machine and the noodles.

Then you take half a butternut squash, cooked and chopped and 2 peeled, chopped apples and add them to some garlic sauteeing in butter. A good sprinkle of sage and a dash of allspice along with a cup or so of water. cover, turn the heat down and let it simmer. Cook your pasta, drain, toss with the squash sauce.

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October 20, 2006

well...huh

David is in the kitchen cooking something. I don't know what it is.
"Oh man, you're going to burn your underwear and move back to japan when you taste what I am making"

I'm not sure what that means, but I'm not wearing underwear.

« September 2006 | Main | November 2006 »

continental drift party

The good thing about waiting a few days to write about my trip is that it allows me to shed all the useless details in favor of brevity.

Had I written about the trip right when I got back you would have been treated to details like "the guy standing across from me on the M60 bus was wearing a maroon sweatshirt. He had a graying beard that looked like it had missed a trim and I felt like he swayed his hips more than necessary every time the bus came to a stop" or "The Israeli guy we shared a cab with would not stop talking. Seriously. I'm sure that in the scheme of things he was not talking too much, but at 1am, nerves scraped bare by a day of errands, packing, air travel, layovers, long bus rides and hotel reservations given away, the last thing I needed was a cranky, talkative dude with no zen patience killing my already tenuous grasp on the whole concept of zen patience!" or even "The veal had the potential to be THE B3ST V34L EV4R, a light lemon butter sauce that sang of high citrus and sweet buttery sin, perfectly cooked linguini that held tight to that sauce and filled your whole mouth with it, but it stopped short. The veal was tough. Tough. Cut thin, beaten thinner, breaded and sautéed, it should have melted in our mouths. It should have been the savory equivalent of a hot fudge sundae. How could it have been so tough? So chewy? It makes no sense. The only thing I can think of is that they found some free range, surly teen veal to slaughter and serve up to us."

So lets do this bullet style for brevity (pkoo pkoo pkoo)


  • If ever you are to fly somewhere, see if Midwest Airlines will fly you there! Super comfortable seats, everyone is pleasant (EVERYONE even the ticketing agents) and they serve you 2 fresh baked, still hot from the oven cookies on each flight. Almost every flight lays over in Milwaukee so on any given trip you can get at least 4 cookies each way. In doing the math, it seems I consumed 8 cookies on my trip. 8 cookies!

  • The M60 bus from La Guardia to Manhattan had little roaches on it. I was upset.

  • The New York City transit system could stand to learn a thing or two from little old Minneapolis. All the buses here take dollar bills. All the transfers work from bus to train and back. A 2 hour ride ticket means 2 hours in any direction, you can transfer to the bus or train, you can go somewhere and then ride back home as long as it is within 2 hours.

  • They gave our room away even though we called to confirm and told them we would be late. They sent us somewhere else, that place was not as nice. The next day we went back and claimed our room. It all made me very tired.

  • We went to have breakfast the the Key West Diner on Broadway. This place amused me to no end. Many of the dishes they served were labeled as "Famous in Key West!". I don't quite remember the mozzarella/basil/sausage/tomato frittatas in Key West from my visit there, but it was still rather tasty.

  • No one knows what an Americano is in New York City. Every time I asked for one people responded with confusion.

  • I brought the wrong shoes for the wedding. Within blocks of the hotel I had blisters growing on my feet. This shoe choice was by far the stupidest thing I'd done in years.

  • the wedding was absolutely beautiful. Yes, beautiful, but I'd forgotten how boring Catholic weddings are. It didn't help that the priest had a thick polish accent and tended to mumble.

  • people please, stop with the 1 Corinthians 13:4 at weddings. Yeah, we know that love is patient and kind and doesn't envy. You need to find the bible passage about dividing up dishwashing duty and forgiving late night under-blanket farting.

  • The groom was a friend of David's from college. After the wedding we met up with Josh, another of David's college friends and his girlfriend, Tricia. We decided to take advantage of the 2 hour space between wedding and reception and go drink.

  • The reception was also lovely. Open bar, all manner of tasty finger foods, open bar, giant cheese tray, 80's cover band, open bar, sharing a table with the Polish Chris Noth, open bar and lots of wine.

  • Danced and danced and danced. When I first heard there was an 80's cover band I groaned. I was so wrong. Can you think of a more beautiful moment than 100 half drunk gen x'ers singing "99 Luftballoons" all together? Can you? No, you can't.

  • A drunk middle aged man with a pony tail grabbed me and yelled "I wanna dance with you!!!" I said "OKAY!!!" and we were off. At the end of the song he tried to spin me but mostly he threw me and since I had no shoes on my stockinged feet just flew out from under me. Then he jumped on me. It was not until the next day that it occurred to me that maybe people had seen my fat ass and my underpants. I didn't care.

  • I was part of a "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" conga line.

  • I caught the motherfucking bouquet. Boo-yah.

  • The after-pary was at Plan B in the East Village. This was about 827,659 blocks away. Both of my feet blistered something fierce and every step felt like it was on crushed glass on the surface of the sun. There was no way I could wear my shoes. Ever the gentleman, David let me wear his giant, flipper-like shoes.

  • that girl you saw on the subway platform in run pantyhose, smeared make-up and falling hair? With the wilted bouquet of roses? Limping shoeless? That was me.

  • if you aren't careful you will end up in Queens instead of the Upper West Side. You will normally think this is an adventure, but on this night you only want to cry.

  • we got to bed around 5am, we stayed in bed until after 1pm. Theoretically I would have liked to get up early and go see the sites, but fuck that.

  • We limped our way up to Broadway to get some breakfast and discovered a street fair going on. Huzzah! Food booths and cheap scarves and face painting and a white guy playing the blues and irregular underpants going for CHEAP!!!

  • Later that evening we met with Margaret from my cooking group and her friend, Marcel. We ate delicious Italian food (though the veal was a bit tough) until we could not even roll out the door, then we had ice cream and espresso.

  • After room lounging we agreed that we had not gone to see anything touristy. So, at 12:45am I got out the subway map and we decided to head down to Times Square. I've been to NYC a few times and except for one drive through in the afternoon, I've never actually been to Times Square. It had the same effect on me as watching tv. I stood there, mesmerized by the bright colors and flashing lights, not a thought in my head. It was big, and super clean and there were cops everywhere. There was nothing at Time's Square that wasn't somewhere else, I imagine seeing an Applebees or Bubba Gump Shrimp Palace brings a certain level of comfort to the scared Midwesterner.

  • People often tell me that Dunkin Doughnuts makes the best coffee on the planet. THE BEST COFFEE!! They lie. That shit was nasty.

  • The entire trip home was uneventful. I ate my cookies and read my book and generally behaved myself as was expected.

There, updates. Woo. That's what I did in NYC over the weekend.

**EDIT** David confirmed that the Israeli guy was not talking too much, it was just me. I need to work on my patience.

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October 17, 2006

yeah yeah i know

I know, you want a full report about my weekend.

I'm too damned tired to write anything, that's your report. Too damned tired.

I've eaten spaghetti two nights in a row now because I am physically drained. We moved constantly, we saw and ate and did and danced until our feet fell off. It was a wonderful trip.

Wonderful except for the moon sized blisters on my feet.

I will post pictures soon and give you a blow by blow of the weekend. For now, however, the jackass dogs need a walk.

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October 13, 2006

x-ray life

Off we go, to the big, windy apple!

Clothes are washed and packed, addresses are written down, maps are in the bag.

I'd hoped to post some photos before I left but time has started to battle against me lately. We'll have a photo explosion when I get back.

Before I go, let me leave you with this thought...
I've reacently discovered (in the fine print) that Wells Fargo has the right to go into your house at night and anally rape you. When they are finished they will assess a finance charge and debit your account. You don;t even have to be a Wells Fargo customer to get this treatment, they'll still do this to you and then submit the finance charge to your bank. Crazy.

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October 12, 2006

Re: nurse shark... fighting a robot

Suddenly it is Thursday and on Friday we fly to NYC. I am so not rpepared for this.

The moths have started to emerge from their coccoons, the sadness is that I will be in New Yirk for most of their emerging and humping. Luckily I caught two of them getting it on today (pictures to follow). Moth sex is surprisingly boring.

I'm all packing and doing laundry and making sure my nylons fit and all those pre-vacation bits you have to do. Exciting, no?

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October 5, 2006

go fun go scare fun go

Go play this game. Play it with someone you love.

Keep your pants on while you play.

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I give that hope your name

ah what can we say about fall cooking that has not been said so many times before? We can adore its dusky comfort, we can wax poetic about sweet potatoes, we can turn the humble squash into our modern day madeleine if we had enough words for it.

Writing about fall cooking is all at once repetitive and comforting. It is comforting in its repetition. We eat the same things every fall, the same combos, and still we twist orgasmic at the first bite.

The weather cools and I crave kale, squash, sweet potatoes, cabbage, apples, curry, beans.

I crave cooking, I spend more time cooking in the fall than any other time. It's when the food is the best, it is when I am the least busy and it is the calm before the dead of winter beats my soul into a filthy snowbank and leaves it there to die.

I had food in the house, I needed to do something about it. I had the itch to create. I had no idea what to make I just knew I had to make something, something tasty, a treat for David.

For whatever reason my brain settled on ravioli. I don't know why, it just did. I was not even detered by the fact that I had no eggs in the house. No eggs? I don't care! I can make ravioli without eggs! The vegans do it, why can't I?

Incidentally, I often find myself without eggs in the house but an intense craving for something specific that involves eggs. Vegan recipes save my ass many times (though I change the margarine and soy milk or whatnot back to butter and cow milk). I even have the Millenium Cookbook to help me with that, but they did not have a single recipe for fresh pasta in there. Bastards.

I fought on against the eggless tide! Of course I could go the 6 blocks and get eggs, but I'm feeling too lazy. Feeling too lazy but determined to make homemade ravioli.

I do a little searching and find a basic gyoza wrapper recipe. DURRRR! Of course. Hell, in lazier moods I've been known to buy potsticker wrappers and make raviolis with those.

8 ounces (by weight) flour
I used 7 ounces bread flour and 1 ounce semolina
4 ounces hot water

Mix the hot water into the flour with a fork until you cannot mix with a fork then start kneading and kneading. Everything should come together in a ball and then the ball should suddenly seize up. Let the ball rest, covered for 45 minutes.

Cut a small butternut squash in half and microwave for 12 to 15 minutes or until fork pokeable. Scoop out the seeds and discard (or feed to the dogs) and then scoop the searing hot squash flesh into the food processor (note to self, let squash cool a bit). To the squash add a tablespoon or so of candied ginger pieces, 1/2 tbl curry powder, 1 tsp cinnamon, and a good sprinkle each of salt, pepper, and cardamom. Food process the squash to paste. Add a teaspoon of lemon juice and a mighty handful of breadcrumbs (I used panko, it was all I had).

Remember when I said I was feeling lazy? Yeah, too lazy to get eggs and now too lazy to get out the Atlas pasta maker.

Take the well rested ball of dough and divide into 24 pieces (cut in half, cut in half again, roll that half into a thick, even tube, cut in half the long way and then into 3rds). Roll each piece into a ball and then using a coffee mug instead of a rolling pin because it's easier to handle for small applications, roll each piece into a slightly oblong round, about 3 inches in diameter (except slightly stretched one way)

With the dough wrapper down so that slightly longer way is up and down as you face it (this is not easy to describe) place a dollop of filling in the middle, wet the edges and bring the bottom over to the top. You will always add too much filling to the first few. Oh well.

Put your ravioli cooking water on to boil.

Peel and chop 2 apples.

In a large fry pan melt 1/2 stick butter, add a tablespoon of garlic paste (cloves from 2 heads roasted garlic food processed with a little olive oil and a little salt, store in fridge). Just before the garlic starts to brown (don't let it brown) add the apples and a healthy sprinkle of rubbed sage. Saute until things start to brown. Add 1/4 cup water, reduce heat and cover; this will help keep the apples hot without burning them. Once the ravioli cooking water is boiling and ready, add the raviolis and take the cover off the apples and kick the heat up to high, your apples will be perfectly cooked without burning, then you cook off the water and everything will start to brown nicely.

The raviolis are ready once they float to the top. Scoop them out as they finish cooking and add them to the apple pan. Toss them around in the delightful garlic, apple, sage butter and serve.

This is what fall cooking does to me, I may be feeling lazy but damn, I still make homemade ravioli.

You will have squash filling leftover. Some will go into risotto, some will be mixed with chevre and cream and tossed with chicken and penne, some could be added to a spinach and chick pea curry.

Unfortunately, I am too damned lazy to do the dishes now.

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October 4, 2006

The retarded hillbilly

To those of you who have emailed me to try to explain dimensions, time, simultenaity (or the lack thereof), and everything else in response to the previous post, I thank you. I appreciate your efforts and I do apologize.

I just don't get it.

I can understand all kinds of crazy bullshit. I can name my gecko Chicken, I can dye my hair pink, I can accept that a pint of Haagen Dasz is 4 servings (bastards) but when you say to me that there is no way at all to determine that 2 stars went supernova at the same time, I'll be all "you're crazy! of course there is! There's no reason why they can't".

Then we'll talk about rubber balls, moving trucks, mirrors, the doppler effect and the fact that I failed high school algebra. Twice.

This is a warning to all of you....don't respond! Just don't. I will drive you out of your mind. You will spend a week telling your friends about how crazy I am. I once drove a physics professor to absolute distraction because I would not accept that time slows down as you go faster unless he could give me a reasonable explanation that did not boil down to a matter of how you perceive light particles, because the way I see it, the way you perceive light particles does not slow down the wrinkling process.

I know this is true because if it could they'd have bottled it and sold it at the drugstore.

I just cannot accept that perception alters reality because there are some truly fucked individuals out there and I do not want them messing with my reality.

oh, also, I made homemade butternut squash ravioli last night, served them with apples sauteed in brown butter, garlic and sage. I love fall cooking. Recipe soon.

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October 2, 2006

Knowing is half the battle

Now I know why stupid people are so angry.

I just watched the movie explaining the 10 dimensions and I'm mad.

Everything from the 5th dimension on feels entirely made up. I know the response is "you just can't comprehend it, you're a 3rd dimensional entity". Dammit. You know when hillbillies get all upset when you try to explain that even though they can't really see the curvature of the earth, it's still round? yeah, that's me, a pissed off scientific hillbilly.

Don't you come 'round here sellin' me your 10 dimensions! I ain't no fool! I gots me all the dimensions I need right here.

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