The Velvet Cerebellum

I love when David and I hit the little Mexican places for dinner. Not the big, fakey places with chimichanga platters and yucatan combos, but the real places with the little counters and no English spoken. I love watching him order everything in Spanish. He always tells me I should order in spanish, but my spanish is so terribly bad that if I even attempted "mas queso, por favor" they'd give me this weird sideways look, shrug their shoulders and head to the back room. Minutes later they would return with a tortilla covered goat, which they would unceremoniously shove at me while shooing me out the door. "puta!" they'd mutter under their breath as I wandered away.

Anyway, David ordered our food (I had the burrito con puerca en salsa verde con papas) and I looked at the pan of lengua and wondered if the cow's ghost spent the rest of its eternity tasting peppers and onions.

Afterwards we picked up mexican beer and watched Lost (thanks again, Alex!).

I got my new insurance packet and was checking out the point system for how they determine how much to raise your rates based on your violations. I was not pleased to discover that running a red light would net you more points than any alcohol related violations. Total bullshit. Also, what's the difference between a fraudulent and a fictitious license? Because the violations are listed seperately.

Speaking of violations, I got an official letter in the mail telling me that since a judge ruled that traffic light cameras were unconstitutional the state was not able to process my ticket at this time. Sorry for the inconvenience. I'm not entirely sure what was unconstitutional, but I don't really care. Ruling the law unconstitutional is by far the coolest way i can think of to keep my driving record clean. Sexy? Yes! I think this is exactly what the founding fathers had in mind (the founding fathers of Minnesota, mind you, this isn't a supreme court issue...yet).

I still can't believe that I would garner fewer points getting busted for having an open container in the car than running that damned red light. I might have to go kick their progressive asses.

Tonight I am the hubbopots and I like that.

Posted by Heather at 3:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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and so on.

Thank you for the Ghengis well wishes. He is back to his old jackassery, though now he is careful about the stitchy mess at the end of his ear. The university lab is backlogged and it will take 2 weeks to get the results of the biopsy. The vet refused to even play the "it's probably not cancer, I'm sure he's fine" game with me. I mean nothing. He just kept giving me the "we just don't know" line. I'm not terribly worried, mostly because I don't know anything about skin cancer or dogs with skin cancer or any of the other terrible things that could grow on a dog that would not just be on the skin but be systemic.

Ignorance is bliss and for once I am NOT looking up any information about this as it would make me a wreck.

Speaking of lumps being removed...I meet with the surgeon on Monday to figure out our plan of attack. Presumably I will not need to get an MRI, though that's on the table since it is bigger and denser than expected. Soon we'll schedule the surgery and I'll be done with this thing. I've given in and gotten a wrist brace. I feel like an absolute choad in the thing. I want to wear a sign that says "no, I don't have carpal tunnel. thank you, i know how to type without a wrist rest...no, really, I don't need the ergonomics police to swing by".

I also got an electric stapler and I'm coing to get an electric can opener. I'm also going to have to rely more heavily on my food processor for chopping and stuff when I am cooking.

I also got my home cheesemaking book so I can complete my descent into the lair of insane Martha Stewart-hood. Seriously, I am making my own bread, my own jam and soon, my own cheese. In about 6 weeks I am going to be one of those weird ladies who wears big rubbers boots who can slaughter, feather, gut and bone a chicken in 37 second all while handing out cryptic wisdom.

I'm off to make galaxy nachos.

Posted by Heather at 3:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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Went to go get Ghengis from the vet. They brought the little guy out and he got so excited to see me (and he wanted to leave so badly) that he jumped around and got his stitches bleeding. Blood spraying all over the lobby, all over me and all over the assistant. Dang. They try to take him back to clean him up and bandage his ear but he refused to go. I had to go back with them. Holy crap, don't ever just nonchalantly wander into the back of a vet's office. They had some poor dog all splayed out, bloody cotton balls everywhere, stitches....bare skin. I don't know. It was freaky.

They let me go back to the lobby.

They bandaged his head all up and sent him out. He looked like a goofy babushka. Immediately he got his ear right out of the bandages and there was blood all over the place again.

There is no doubt that this dog is my dog. Only my dog would cause a bloodbath of such proportions and be so damned stubborn about it.

Poor little fella looks like he's hungover. He looks to be in so much pain, not just his ear but I'm sure he has a wicked headache.

David and I have to watch him, make sure he doesn't get sick or scratch his stitches. Earlier this month I decided to bake treats for the big department meeting tomorrow. I had not anticipated having to deal with this before deciding to make choco-banana buns, cinnamon rolls and honey-wheat-pecan bread. The bread machine is getting a total workout tonight.

On the way to the vet, going south on hwy 77 I drove down into the Minnesota river valley. I cannot describe how it looked. The valley was filled with mist and the sunlight lit the whole place. I was so painfully tempted to stay on the freeway. Just keep going. It was the perfect morning to start a roadtrip. I really would have but 1) my boss would have killed me 2) I forgot my two Decemberist cd's at home and 3) well, Ghengis had a really important appointment with a vet today.

It's too too obvious I need a roadtrip in the worst way.

Posted by Heather at 3:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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Ghengis has had a weird little bump on the end of his ear for a little bit now. Yesterday it kind of got gross (I won't go into details) so I brought him in to the vet today.

Seems he has a tumor. A fairly common thing, but serious enough that he has to have it removed. He goes in tomorrow morning for a biopsy and surgery.

I wish I had something more to write about, but I'm worried about my little mudgeon right now.

Oh, wait, I know! I want Colin Meloy and Mike Doughty to somehow manage to make a baby and then I want that child to grow up fast and then I want to make babies with him. We'd have fucked up �ber-babies, I know it.

Okay, that was just strange. Think kind thoughts for the little brown doggie.

ADDENDUM: I just got a call from the vet, he is recovering fine but they were unable to determine the nature of the bump from the biopsy and are sending it to the university for further tests. Let us all hope it is not cancer.

Posted by Heather at 3:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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So, in a calendarical coup, my birthday falls on the unholiest of unholy days that only happens...well once a century, but still. 06/06/06...666 the birthday of the beast!!

Here's the problem, though, June 6ths falls on a tuesday this year. suck. Normally I am not opposed to throwing my party on the weekend before my birthday because, when it comes down to it, no one really cares why they're partying, they just want some cake. Like I said, normally I wouldn't be opposed but I think having a 666 party on 636 kind of kills the intent...and the mood. The four fingerfoods of the apocalypse just aren't as funny 3 days before they are supposed to be consumed. The mood will be killed.

On the other hand, if prophecy comes true then the mood is totally going to be killed when my impish minions come struggling out of the soil to guide me in my ascension (or descension??) to my rightful place. I imagine everyone born on June 6th is going to have to deal with this, we're blessed!

So, will it totally kill the mood when a horse of flame wanders into the living room? Is it a private moment to mount your fiery steed, draw your sword and ascend to the heavens where you ferociously scar the face of the sun for its impudence???? Or do you want people around? Party witnesses something like that and you immediately have a solid army of followers.

But what if this all happens on Tuesday morning? Then no one will see it AND I won't get to have a party (i'm assuming I'll be too busy getting fitted for armor and filling out HR forms to really pay attention to a party).

It's hard to have an unholy destiny to fulfill. So many things to worry about.

and, to 180 this into the realm of the boring...
I ordered a book on how to make cheese at home! So I'm hopefully going to start with fresh cheese over the spring and if things go well, I'll move into aged cheeses this summer.

Yesterday, in a foolish fit of cooking that has set my wrist to aching I made a big batch of salsa verde, cherry ginger jam, multi grain bread and pizza dough.

The salsa verde was insanely good (1 pound tomatillos, 1/2 poblano chili, 1 very small onion, 2 cloves garlic, 1 big handful of cilantro, chopped, one avocado. Food Processor it! add salt) I would have gone with slightly more heat than the poblano provided and slightly less onion as it was too oniony for my tastes. This is going to have to suffice for me since my beloved Herdez Salsa Verde is no longer available in Minneapolis and my other options (La Costena, Embassa) suck hard.

The cherry ginger jam was okay but not great. This is part of my great experiment on jams. This batch was too sweet and did not have enough cherry flavor. Also, I'm wondering if candied ginger would work better than fresh. My next experimetns will include ginger plum, spiced cherry, and curried apricot. I dreamed that my ginger cherry won a blue ribbon at the state fair and that Gedney started selling it (if you are not from minnesota, Gedney produces and sells the blue ribbon winning jams and pickles from the state fair. My friend, Barb, is the Minnesota jam queen!). They changed the name to Hong Kong Blossom and made my picture a hologram so the hair color could keep changing. The other jam ladies HATED me!

The pizza dough was for pizzas but we didn't get around to making them so it's in the fridge. Made the bread for the jam and they went well together.

I have a freezer full of jam (you're not supposed to reduce the recipe or futz with it...we'll see about that) so if anyone wants beginner cherry ginger jam, let me know.

Also, I went grocery shopping and did laundry.

Okay, my wrist hurts like hell, I can't type while wearing the brace so I have to take it off and now it hurts. I meet with the surgeon on the 3rd and hopefully we can schedule surgery soon after that. Soon! Get that damned monster out of my wrist!

It's a beautiful day, chochachos, go outside!

Posted by Heather at 3:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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In order to help my boss maintain domestic bliss I promised to eat his salad. In fact I announced it in a clear voice over the phone. I'm going to eat his salad.

I hope he appreciates what I do for him.

The problem with making a concerted effort to not write about mundane crap is that I can't tell you how I got new car insurance last night and how the little Geico Gecko promises so much in terms of savings but mostly just lies. Don't trust geckos on the tv is the lesson here.

Went with Progressive, way cheaper.

And in happy news, Anna came back! Anna graduated in December and we figured she'd go off and find her way then. But she stayed on a bit to help with extra projects in the department. Then she decided to get a 'real' job at a music box store.

ha. real.

Hell, there wasn't even a bump in our friday lunch schedule. She was back today and we were off eating cheap Asian food just like we were a week ago.

Welcome back, Anna. I hope now you have a better understanding of just how trapped you are.

and, projects for this summer...1) perfect my jam making 2) perfect my bread making 3) learn to make cheese (book is in the mail!) 4) join a CSA and eat more vegetables.

Next year buy a hobby farm with 6 chickens, 4 goats and 3 dogs.

Posted by Heather at 3:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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No, this isn't about anal sex, Brock

twice in one week I found myself in the same exact conversation and both times I wanted to smack sense into heads.

But I've come to realize that no amount of smacking will add sense to some heads.

Let's discuss bisexuality for a minute, let's talk about because I have had to talk about it so damned much lately.

I am a bisexual female. In its barest terms this means that I am attracted to people of both genders. Or to put it another way, I am attracted to people regardless of their gender.

What is does NOT mean is that I am unhappy committing to one gender or another, any commitment issues I may or may not have are not related to the gender of the person I am dating.

It does not mean that I am untrustworthy or unable to control my urges. My trustworthiness and ability to be faithful have nothing to do with who I am attracted to. One's propensity to stray does not increase with the number of genders one is attracted to. I know too many people who can be supportive of my bisexuality and yet minutes later comment that they couldn't not date a bisexual because they could not trust them not to cheat. HEY! People fucking cheat, it has nothing to do with their sexuality.

It does not mean that must engage in a multi-gendered Isosceles Lock every night in order to find fulfillment.

And is certainly does not mean that I am only bisexual if I am dating a woman. The fact that David is a guy doesn't make me less bisexual and it doesn't make me straight and it wasn't just a phase that I went through and now I am over it.

I am attracted to a sense of humor, I am attracted to people who are warm and kind, I am attracted to intelligence. When I find those attributes in a person I am unable to say, "I like this person but their genitals are the wrong shape. Too bad."

Obviously, there's more to it than that, it's a very simplistic way to look at it. I view relationships with men and women differently quite simply because men and women are different beasts. I've learned something, however, during my relationship with David. I'd not been in a serious, meaningful relationship with a guy before. I'd always assumed that though I was attracted to them I would probably not be in a long term relationship with a guy as I would have trouble managing parity and equality.

I should have known I was wrong. Finding parity in a relationship doesn't have anything to do with the gender fo the person but with their personality which is the essence of my argument. And so here I am.

I am really tired of explaining this to people. I mean, hell, i know this guy, he's not had sex with a woman in ages. AGES. and he's still straight, so I think it stands to reason that I can still be bisexual even if I never sleep with another woman again.

I'll always be a jackass regardless.

Posted by Heather at 3:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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if you'd read my previous comments you'd know that it's been decided that I've become entirely too boring, which is true. I have. Domesticity has that way with me. So, I was going to give some anal sex advice and maybe throw in some opinions about the president.

On the other hand I've had a really shitty day and I'd really like to talk about how fucking sick I am of being the magnet for needy people. This discussion would include some self pity, some ranting about people's bad choices (no, you cannot fucking lose weight if you eat an entire pound of hamburger in one sitting or if you eat 4 krispy kremes in an evening EVEN IF YOU DID GET WHOLE WHEAT TOAST WITH YOUR BREAKFAST). After that I would conclude that these people glom onto me because I allow it and it's really no-one's fault but my own.

So do I talk about anal sex or do I talk about how the histrionics of people who just can't fucking seem to grow the fuck up and stop being crazy and maybe start being thoughtful rational not-insane adults are really wearing me down?

Well, I noticed that whenever I write about the crazy people the vein in my neck hurts...so...anal sex it is!

So let's see,

* Lubricate! Always! This is important whether you're pitching or catching. It seems obvious and yet...well. My recommendation? Do some research on lubes. Don't just go with the big tube of generic KY jelly from target (though I hear that the self heating KY makes a nice hair gel). Get something thick, something long lasting, go look for Maximus (my preferred lube for whatever various and sundry lube needs I have, not necessarily anal) or a silicone based lube (I like, but don't necessarily love the silicones). Please keep in mind that any oil based lube will eat up a latex condom lickety split so don't be stupid with your lube choices.
* Go slow, retard! Okay, I tried to think of a cute acronym like K.I.S.S. (keep it simple, stupid) but I just ended up with that. And by slow, I don't mean 20 minutes, I mean that if this is your first time it make take a few sessions of slowly exploring and getting comfortable with the area. If you are the catcher (god, I feel so 70's cliche gay man in the bathhouse when I say that. Maybe I should go read some Maupin and shoot myself in the face for all the trite horror of it all...She's a man!!! OH MY GOD!!!) you have a responsibility to your own ass to communicate to your partner what you need or desire and sometimes stopping is a very valid need. If you are the pitcher (A Man and A Girl? Anna Madrigal!!! I could have slit my wrists), you will be summarily strung up by your balls and shot if you even get a little peeved for not getting to shove that cock way up in!
* Get some toys! yay toys! get things that are smaller than your parter's unit. Get a few things. Get things that gradually increase in size. Practice makes perfect, and considerable practice is needed since, and let's be honest here, your ass isn't exactly a finely crafted sex organ. Besides, toys are fun and open up the floodgates for all kinds of fun, kinky experimentation. Please make sure your toys have a flanged base as the rectal cavity is not quite as finite as the vagina. Things can get lost and with insurance coverage being what it is, my very good coverage still requires a 20% or $500 deductible (whichever is lower) for emergency room visits. Oh, and it's entirely likely that the x-ray of your anal mishaps will end up on the web for you to share with your friends and family.
* Condoms keep things clean. keep it in mind.
* Don't use Anal-Ease or any of the other butt-numbing products. Pain is nature's way of saying "hey, dude, something bad is happening here!". There shouldn't be pain, mild discomfort? oh totally, especially until you get used to it, but pain, especially butt pain, should not be covered, ignored or otherwise shot to the moon.
* Be clean you filthy perverts! I know this seems obvious, but once something goes in there, and then comes out, it should not go anywhere else. Ladies, be very very clear about this with your partners. Improper butt-rompery gladly skips hand-in-hand with bladder infections and bladder infections require antibiotics and antibiotics can occasionally lead to yeast infections. So what i'm saying is that you can draw a pretty clear line between bad analthumper hygiene and you smelling like some fucked up bread machine.
* Hey, the rectum equals poo. Deal with it. Okay, so your fecal matter rests higher up in the passageway (unless the turtle's peeking his head out, but you really should have taken care of that before. Freak.). It's safe to assume you are not going to run into massive amounts of crap, but as i alluded to in the point previous, particles stray. Shit happens. If you aren't grown up enough to deal with that, you aren't grown up enough spelunk the depths of asscrack caverns.
* If you're a guy, please keep this in mind...enjoying having things inserted in your ass does not make you gay. Not at all. You know what makes you gay? A strong desire to fuck other men! That's what makes you gay.
* Wine. Wine is good. Drunk is bad. You need to relax, go slow, wine (or beer) can help. Hard liquor and drugs don't help. Getting drunk = bad. Getting a little buzz on to relax = good. Getting your partner drunk so you can play ass pirate = very very very bad. Roofies = good joke, bad time.

That's about all I can think of. What are my qualifications you might ask? None. I have none. I'm not a certified anything, so maybe you wanna go get some real info about the subject. Just saying.

Hey, I feel better! The stress of the day melted away completely! Who cares if I have crazy people hitting me from all corners (seriously, though, why must you all gang up on me now? can't you spread it out?). Go forth, my peeps, go forth and anally copulate!

The only person that I wish hadn't read this is my boss. That's all.

Posted by Heather at 3:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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Yesterday, I totally parallel parked all by myself! Those who know me know of my issues with depth perception and my total retardation when it comes to spatial relationships (and spazzy relationships!) so i tend to avoid the parallel parking at all costs, I've even been known to stop in the middle of parallel parking, get out of the car and make the passenger finish the job.

This is how much I suck at it.

Yesterday I had to run to the grocery store to get the food to feed the burning need to cook everything in sight and when I got back I realized that someone was parked behind David, the space in front of him was open (that's where I WAS parked when I left) and John's car was still in the space in front. Fuck it, I decided to try.

I sat quietly, gathered my feng chi whatever, calmly thought it out and did it. and it worked.

probably because the spot was like 87 feet long, but still, I didn't park on the other block.

Of course, if I were able to park in my garage this would be a non-issue but that's another post for another time...

also...unrelatedly...batterfried okra is very VERY reminiscent of healthy tater tots. Just saying.

Posted by Heather at 3:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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man, this has been a crazy weekend at the stove. Crazy.

Saturday night I finally got over my aversion to spaghetti squash! I sauteed kale, fennel bulb and radicchio in the wok and added about half the spaghetti squash. Then orange juice, lime juice and garlic, cooked until the liquid was gone. Finished with tamari and sesame oil. Much better than I would have expected.

Then I baked up a loaf of honey graham bread and we ate that while watching the seminal 80's post-nuclear-apocalypse movie, The Day After. What I learned about nuclear war is that within 120 hours after a giant 300 bomb attack on the US everyone will turn into a dirty, mute hippy. Seriously, no doubt, there's a giant war and everyone suddenly looks like a fithly Cheech or Chong but instead of smokin' it up and laughing they end up staring dazedly off into the distance and having their skin fall off.

Yeah, so...
Last night I dreamed about making brownies no less than 3 times! 3 times! So, if I know anything it's that you must always follow your dreams. First thing this morning (after getting coffee then going BACK to the coffee shop so the coffee chica culd meet ghengis) I made brownies with toasted pecans. This is the only brownie recipe I really like, not cakey, gooey and with the crispy top. It's an old, handwritten recipe, I think it's my ex's grandmother's recipe, I'm not sure. I don't ever want to lose it even if it does make me a little sad every time I make it.

Also it makes me very happy to eat good brownies.

So yeah, if you dream about brownies, follow that dream. Follow your dreams. However, if you dream about having dirty dirty orgies with co-workers past and present, don't follow that dream.

It didn't end with the brownies, though. I had the bread machine whip up a pizza crust which I divided in half and rolled out. Each circle was put in a pie plate, docked and baked for ten minutes. I mixed together spinach, feta, dill, garlic and two eggs and threw that in one pie shell. Then I mixed up zucchini, kale, carrots and broccoli with ricotta, fresh mozzarella, parmesan, herbs and an egg. Tossed that in a shell, covered it in garlicky pasta sauce and fresh mozzarella. Baked them both for about 40 minutes. These were not for dinner, these were for lunches this week.

Then I made a loaf of focaccia.

THEN
(yeah, i kept cooking)
For dinner I batter fried okra for the first time. It turned out pretty well, if I do say so. It needs a little more seasoning (I used curry) but it was not slimy. I also made curried sweet potato latkes and a mixed green salad with a sesame/champaigne vinaigrette.

I'm tired! I was totally crazy for the cooking all day and it felt good to be so productive. Not just productive, but meaningfully so, I have enough food in the fridge to cover lunches for most of the week. Good food, not just sodium laden pre-packaged food. Lunches are made with love!!!

How was your weekend?

Posted by Heather at 3:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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I am drained. Today has drained me. I have spent my day giving advice, listening, helping and shouldering other people's burdens.

I do not say this in any sort of resentful way.

It is only by mere coincidence that 3 people in one day have needed help and guidance. I cannot say "no, I've heard my share of misery tody, call back tomorrow".

But I am drained, completely and utterly drained. I've spent the day doing research, gathering numbers for assistance, trying to navigate the bewildering public assistance system so that a girl can get the help she needs. And I spent a chunk of time helping another person navigate the murky waters of family entanglements. AND I spent the day teaching someone about nutrition (to be fair, this was less draining).

In regards to one of the girls I dealt with today, someone asked me why I was doing this. They said "you know you can't save her, right?". You know, I don't know that for sure. I don't know the outcome of this situation at all, but I also know that I cannot in good conscience assess a situation until I've entered into it.

I know that in my own heart, to walk away from someone who needs help of this magnitude is a moral black hole. Not everyone can be saved, I know this keenly, but I know that sometimes people CAN be saved and I know this personally.

I do not give more than I can stand to lose, this isn't about handing out cash, this is about giving someone a shoulder and some direction and support. This is letting someone know that there ARE people in this world who will help you and they will not attach a price tag.

Incidentally, if you are in the twin cities area and you have anything that would be of use to a 10 month old baby please contact me so we can work something out. Clothes, toys, supplies, these would all be greatly appreciated and put to good use.

Posted by Heather at 3:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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Today I saw a headline that made me laugh ut loud. I'll never reveal to anyone this headline because it was actually a very bad thing, but for a brief moment, everything that is snarky and mean and cynical just flew forward and I laughed.

Part of this is the fault of the headline writer, it was crafted in such a way to feel like a headline straight out of the Onion.

But let's be real here, I can't blame the hacks at cnn.com, the responsibility lies within me. I laughed. I laughed because I thought it was funny and I'm laughing right now thinking about it. But I'll never tell.

And, to do a complete 180...
I fucking hate Anthony Bourdain. I really do. I cannot stand him. I hate him more than Emeril. I think he's a jackass and a shit. The entire premise of his celebrity is the fact that he smokes and scowls and wears jeans and is a complete jackass. You know how much I despise Emeril, right??? RIGHT???? Well I would far rather spend an hour with Emeril pretending to be nice than 12 seconds with Anthony Bourdain. I hate him.

Phew, okay, that felt better.

Posted by Heather at 3:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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Look, all I'm saying is that before the weight of wind up, spring-loaded tchotchkes and tinny music crushes you, before the vacuum of suburban troglodytia devours your soul, before the mall of america consumes the last breath of good in you...YOU SHOULD HAVE SOME FUN.

Lilo and Stitch, Monter's Inc, a bucket of chicken and popcorn. I won't even make you eat your vegetables! Why would you say no to that? Why would you even take time to consider?

An entire evening of dog farts, jokes at your expense and heartburn!!!

Come on, you know that deep down inside you love it.

Forever and Always
Heather
Associate Vice President of Cool

Posted by Heather at 3:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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Last week everyone said "It's spring! SPRING!!! nothing bad can happen anymore!!!" and then I got to say, "no, no, we have one more blizzard. Trust me. That's how minnesota works. One more blizzard in march during the high school boy's basketball championship...". It was a week early, but what are you gonna do?

What you're going to do is pile 87 inches of snow off your car and make the sloooow bumpy ride to work. Sadly, no one was there who cared that I made it to work on time in these treacherous conditions. No one.

Okay, so...PICTURES. Let's go.

David gets home every day around 3:30 and I get home around 5. The dogs go crazy when either of us gets home but when David gets home that signals to them that the time of waiting must begin. They get in their positions and wait and wait and...wait. For 90 minutes they sit there and wait for me. Cute, huh? Also a little crazy.

And we have pictures from David's bowling birthday party. I discovered that when You take pictures when the cosmic bowling lights are on it makes everyone take on a freakish red glow. I tried to fix it...but you know, we still look like the deamon ghouls that we are. Bowling alley! We were at Memory Lanes (formerly Stardust Lanes), they remodelled and got expensive BUT they feature things like real food and non-surly staff. This is a bonus. David is teaching us something about bowling, I think. Here areThe Sisters (and brother in law), Mary Alice, Julie and Ryan. And here I am hugging Anna who is leaving my department because she somehow thinks glory can be found in a music box store at the mall of america. HA!

And finally, nothing at all cures the blues faster than playing in the snow with a dog that is shorter than the snowdrifts.
Look
at
these
and
smile

That's all the photos I have right now. I have a bunch to use in the daily photo and soon I will be back on track with that. Have a loaf of sesame semolina bread in the machine right now. Yay. To all you, happy snow!

Posted by Heather at 3:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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'Twas a bizninny weekend...let's see if I can do a super fast re-cap!

Friday, went to Owens for cheap chinese, sex talk, catty gossip and hair dying. I'm blonde with the lightest pink highlites.

Saturday was David's bowling birthday party (pictures posted soon). It was a great time, we bowled and hugged and harassed and ate the unhealthiest food ever. I bowled longer than I should have and my wrist and hand gave me hell for it for hours.

This year for David's cake I covered the bottom of a 9x13 with sliced pound cake then covered that with hulled strawberries, sliced plums and rasberries. Sprinkled on spiced vanilla sugar (my own recipe) and melted butter. Baked at 400 for 30 minutes. Covered the whole thing with a zabaglione (which I overcooked goddammit).

Bowling was great fun. I love birthday parties, especially those for people I really care about.

Sunday was David's birthday proper. We celebrated by eating suburban pancakes and discussing movies that made us cry. I was going to make a special dinner but he's not feeling up to par right now, he's coming down with something, so I'm going to save that for another night.

Off to make lunches and read. Have a good night, party people.

Oh, and a belated happy birthday to a certain munchkin!

Posted by Heather at 3:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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in no particular order

* maddie is curled up next to me sleeping. She's also farting. About every 3rd fart stings the back of my throat and makes my eyes water. She's so comfortable I can't bring myself to move her.
* as I am slouched down on the sofa here, I did not notice that my t-shirt had ridden up over my belly. Call me Cletus, because I am that classy.
* David is off teaching his guitar lesson and going to the gym (and maybe other stuff, I don't know). I'm starving and have already decided I'm not cooking anything nice tonight, so it's pizza or mac and cheese or something. The thing is, I know I should just go make something and eat it, but just often enough he surprises me with something for dinner. This is not to say that I want him to bring me something for dinner, it's just that I'd be pretty disappointed if he brought me Chipotle and I'd already eaten mac and cheese.
* last night we watched "Before Night Falls". It was on my netflix list, one of those liberal guiltie movies that you're compelled to watch. About halfway through I realized that I didn't have to feel guilty about not having seen it as I had seen it before and it was just as boring and incongruous then. Remember in the 90's when we HAD to go see lesbian films, even if they were bad, because we felt like it was our duty to pump money into the industry so we could support lesbian film makers since they had it so tough and hopefully, with enough money, one of them would actually make a good movie? Well, now we have the liberal guilties, and I refuse to see Crash because of it. Sorry for the rant.
* I always feel like a philistine when I write stuff like that.
* I really despise the term "chucklehead". I don't know why, I just can't stand it.
* so far the highest ranking search term to get you to my site is plain old "velvet cerebellum". This is a comforting thought. The rest of the list if filled with vulgarities that even I can't repeat. It amuses me to no end that so many obscene searches can get you to my site.
* frustration is not being able to operate the can opener anymore, or not being able to chop a squash in have. Frustration is not only not being able to smash garlic in the traditional manner but also not being able to manipulate the garlic press either. Frustration is realizing that your travel mug is just a bit too wide to hold comfortably. Frustration is knowing that even when you get this damned invader out of your wrist it will still take weeks and months to get close to normal.
* joy is being able to whisper to a sleeping dog and have her wag her tail in her dream. Joy is packing a lunch for someone who appreciates it. Joy is knowing that everything will work itself out in the end because that's the way things work.

Posted by Heather at 3:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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I've been reduced to trading pastries with people who know about Excel to help me with my Excel issue. I am now to the point where I want to beat my forehead against the corner of my desk until I have a beautiful corner shaped dimple.

I have instructions that say "if you want to do this..." I DO "then do this...then this..." I do "then do this and voila!" this part does not work! I get no "voila!".

So, technically, I should be working on this now but the brick wall is thicker than my skull at the moment and I am losing.

On the other hand I have given myself a title promotion. I am now the Associate Vice President of Cool. I wonder if I can get business cards made up...I think I will submit the form.

In non-work related areas...
Made the best soup ever for dinner last night, it had squash, white beans, tomatoes, zucchini, fennel bulb, kale, raisins, rosemary and a million spices. so tasty.

David's birthday is this weekend, if you got the invite do not forget to RSVP or I'll shove a bowling ball up your ass when you show up. Or something.

Today I typed the phrase "cabbage shits" about 8 million times.

And, sadly, Anna is FINALLY leaving the loving family of MCAD. She's found real employment away from campus. I'll miss the overwhelming stench of fear and her screams for mercy. On the other hand, I take great consolation in knowing that she is working at a music box store...in the mall of america. I gave her an idea for a music box that I thought would be wildly popular. It featured Cake's "Going the Distance". I think it would have been a real winner.

Alright chodingos, I'm a gonna go update the outstanding purchase order list.

Posted by Heather at 3:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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The best part about the giant grocery shopping trip is that I have all new fresh things to choose from when I am standing in the kitchen. The only problem is picking what to make. Roasted radicchio with carrots and rice vinegar? chick pea fritters? butternut squash curry? kale risotto?

Tonight I settled on udon/miso soup. Miso broth with sauteed zucchini, carrots, broccoli, water chestnuts, fresh spinach, toasted sesame seeds, chili oil, lime juice, egg and chewy good udon noodles. Good god, you cannot make a better combination than egg cooked in miso broth with toasted sesame seeds. The noodles and the veggies are secondary, I love the umame-tastic combo of eggs and miso.

Happily chilling with dinner in my belly.

Speaking of food and such...
Been packing lunches for David and myself lately. Part of it is an effort to save money (it's working!) and part of it is an effort to give something tangible to David, a way to say thank you. I don't have much to give, not many good solid ways to show him what he means to me and how I care for him. I can cook, this is something I can do fairly well. I can pack a lunch for him, I can make sandwiches on homemade bread, I can pack up leftovers from dinner, I can do this. I can accomplish something. I remind him every morning to take his lunch (at least on the mornings he has one to take. I care about him, but that does nt mean I am on the ball every night!).

Maybe, tomorrow, if you remind me, I'll tell you of the purely obscene moments I've been having lately!

Just filed my taxes. Why did I wait so long? Pure, unadulterated procrastination. Why else would I allow such a big chunk of money to just sit there doing nothing!

Birthday party for David on Saturday! YAY YAY HOORAY!

Posted by Heather at 3:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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So I noticed that I used to write about things, subjects, singulars. Now I just vomit out paragraphs datailing the minutia of my days.

Sorry about the puke on your shoes.

Anyway, yesterday...
Spent a lot of time nursing my pained glands and trying not to fall asleep every few minutes. Whatever's been bothering me seems to have cleared up for now. David brought me Chipotle and we watched Fawlty Towers on dvd. My only question about the show is 'if the guy dislikes owning a hotel so very much, why does he own a hotel???'. Yeah, pointless question, I know.

Started, tore out, restarted, tore out, picked a new pattern, started, tore out....trying to make a scarf for Jessi, just cannot find the right pattern. Let me make a small, crochet related complaint that none of you will care about...the 'F' sized hook is 3.75mm in size 'G' sized hook is 4mm in size, this is a nice move up in gauge size. The next jump up, the 'H' sized hook is 5mm, this is a full millimeter in width. I want a 4.5mm hook! I want something between G and H. It seems like such a petty thing, but when you're trying to find the right gauge, a half a millimeter can make a great deal of difference. I will often take a new ball of yarn and make a few swatches with different hooks just to see which is more suited to the yarn. Right now I am working with peruvian cotton, feels nice, looks good, but is not bound very well and will untwist easily so a smaller gauge is better.

Sorry about that.

Last night David performed at Balls Cabaret again. He sang bits and pieces of songs that he has and is working on. He sang about poop, Robert Frost, moosalamoos, a horse's ass, llamas and a racetrack. It was very funny and he's just so damned cute up there.

We ended up staying pretty late, David and his friends nerded it up talking about 80's sitcoms. My god, they knew all the theme songs to all the shows, they knew the theme song to Mork and Mindy!!!

Needless to say, we got home late, got to bed late and got up LATE. I feared we would be late for our date at the dog park but I got a message that levi was sick and with the wet wet snow I decided to forgo what would certainly be a very muddy afternoon.

Instead we went to 'breakfast' at 4pm and then grocery shopping. You know how you run out of the essentials at the same time? Stupid things like canned tomatoes and sesame oil. Stocked up like mad, it cost too much all around. AND the guy bagging the groceries forgot to put (presumably) one bag in the cart so now we have to go back to get the bread flour, the gladware, the rawhides and some band aids. What a pain.

In the happy side, I picked up a multigrain blend for making multigrain bread and made my first loaf tonight. Excellent stuff.

Came home, made 2 kinds of croutons with the last bit of the last loaf of bread, did some dishes, made salads with a plum/ginger vinaigrette, read my book for a bit and took the dogs out.

Exciting, no?

Posted by Heather at 3:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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When I am not feeling well I like to take my mom's china teapot out and make a big pot of earl grey tea. It's just one of those comfort things that reminds me of my mom. I wish I culd replicate her soft boiled eggs on buttered toast, too, because that would make a perfect antidote to whatever was ailing me.

I'm still battling whatever it is that's beating up my glands and lymph nodes. It's strangely low key, it makes me tired and my neck (but not my throat) hurt a lot, but it ebbs and flows. It will pass.

Last night we went to see Hanuman, King of the Monkeys. Good show, extremely cute. A friend of David's did the music for it. Afterward we went to Cafe Latte to celebrate Brian's birthday with the other people from Ball's Cabaret. Fun time, ate too much, got too tired.

I was getting irritated with always running out of bread flour when I want to make bread so I was planning on buying a big 50 pound bag of it on line from a place with �ber-che�p shipping, but the grocery store came to my rescue, they had bread flour on sale for 50% less than I was going to buy it for. I picked up 15 pounds and I'm hoping to get another 20 or 25 when I go grocery shopping today.

Not much else, I'm tired and whatnot. David is performing tonight. YAY!

Posted by Heather at 3:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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Last night I came home, laid down around 6pm and did not get up again until this morning. I have a sore ear, a swollen salivary gland and a matching set of giant lumps on either side of my larynx. I do not have a sore throat. So the possible options are ear infection or lymphatic cancer. I'm going to vote for ear infection.

So I went to work, did a few things, wrestled with my excel issue (I know exactly what I want the end result to be, I know what the middle part SHOULD do to get me to that point, I don't know quite how to make the middle part do what I want it to do. Also, when they upgraded my computer they forgot the ODBC drivers so I am not able to link separate excel documents. whatever, boring) and then came home again. All I want to do is sleep.

Discovered that livejournal wants to hump my website 6 ways from sunday! Just checked my stats for February and there are about 8000 links from Livejournal users, not such a big deal. The real deal is that I come up on all these LJ image grabbers which means some dillhole is linking to a picture of mine. Strange? Yeah, totally, but I've come to accept that there are some strange people out there. You people have problems.

I totally missed my 5 year anniversary with this website. It was on the 19th of February. Oh well, there really wasn't much to cover that was not covered in the 500th post extravaganza I did a few months ago.

I'm going to go make some soup and watch some movies. Later y'all.

ps I discovered that I can pass 8th grade math!

Posted by Heather at 3:01 PM | Permalink

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