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Just a quick note to say hi from New Orleans!
HI!!
So much fun, so much to write about, the food is awesome (shrimp po' boys, the happiest Indian restaurant on the planet, biegnets, and coffee coffee coffee!), the weather is awesome (got a sunburn and everything), the boy is awesome (!).
New Orleans will always be to me the filthy lady with the pretty dress. So dirty, but I'll be sad to leave Friday.
Latah, y'all
I'm off to New Orleans for the week. Will be back Friday with stories to tell I'm sure.
Have a goodly good week and wish me luck!
I went in to Urgent Care today to find out if I was treatably sick or just ride-it-out sick. Strep trst came back negative though the doctor was concerned about the swelling in my throat giving me the usual 'if it's still swollen in so many days please come back'.
I have the flu, so it's all pleanty of liquids and bedrest and Tylenol multi-symptom flu medicine.
Urgent Care was packed to the gills today which didn't surprise me. It being Christmas eve they closed all but one location, everyone on the planet is sick and all being funneled to this one location. They were so busy they did my exam in the emergency heart attack room. Weird. The funny thing was that the nurse and the doctor kept apologizing to me. The apologized for making me roll up my sleeve to have my blood pressure taken, for having cold fingers when she took my pulse, for the slight uncomfortable moment when she swabbed my throat for the strep culture. I kept telling her it was fine, all normal procedure and all. The doctor kept apologizing because he couldn't find anything he could treat with a prescription. I didn't want a prescription, I don't want any sort of bacterial or secondary infections. I am happy enough that it is just the flu and nothing worse. I understand perfectly well that antibiotics are no good against the flu and you don't have to apologize to me for not prescribing them.
I am staying home today, will make the 2 hour trek to my mom's tomorrow. Spending the time at Urgent Care wiped me out and showed that I really am in no condition to drive. I am bundled up in bed with the dog watching the extended version of Return of the King on my laptop. What a great time this is in human history to be sick! When I was a child I was reduced to coloring or reading in bed while sick. Now I've technology at my fingertips. or something.
I just got off the phone with my friend, Kerri! You should all wish her a merry merry christmas!
Happy holidays people! This is my crazy post of the season. I've been crazy busy all week shopping, hanging out with people and whatnot.
* First off, I got almost all my Christmas shopping done. I promised people that if they did not have an Amazon wishlist they would not get anything. I came through though and managed to get things for people! (see how I make myself out to be a hero? I do this because it's true, I am a hero. A great big sparkly hero). I even broke down and bought wrapping paper instead of gift bags. I got dinosaur wrapping paper and not Santa paper, but I'm sure you understand. Hell, I even got little mini bottles of bubbles to tie on the packages. I'm swell.
* Nothing upsets a puppy more than seeing things that are obviously for him getting covered in paper and tape. Yes, I bought gifts for the dog and wrapped them for him. He'll get to unwrap his gifts and everything.
* I am heading up to my mom's for Christmas this weekend and in true-to-me fashion, I am completely unprepared to be away from home. I need to clean, do laundry, finish wrapping presents and go to urgent care to see if the swelling in my throat, glands and ear is the result of a treatable bacterial infection (strep) or sux-o-matic viral infection (flu). If treatable I need to get antibiotics now because...
* I go to my mom's on friday, come back sunday and fly out to New Orleans on Monday leaving me no time to get to a doctor if I need one. Also, I want to get this treated ASAP because...
* I'm going to New Orleans to spend a week with the boy and his family. Meeting the parents is kinda nervewracking. Ick. BUT I will be in New Orleans and I will go the aquarium and eat good food and finally see the boy after missing him all week. Also, the weather will be warmer than this negative degrees of cold crap.
* Stupid fucking cold weather, I hate you.
* Peanut butter cookies kick ass. Homemade peanut butter cookies made by a coworker as a bribe for a favor are all the sweeter.
* I have a chuck roast simmering away in my special secret chili spices at home right now. I haven't made chili in a long time, I'm kind of excited about this. The leftovers will have to be taken by Alan as I will not be home for a week starting tomorrow.
* Last Sunday I went grocery shopping and after putting everything away I realized that I was not going to be home all this week for dinner (with the exception of chili night tonight) and I would not be able to eat this food. My friends will be getting lots of perishable groceries.
* The actual DAY of Christmas never has that much significance to me. People keep saying '3 more days! Aren't you excited??'. Well, honestly, no. With the various and sundry Christmas dinners and celebrations spread out between the divorced parents, friends, other families and whatnot, the actual DAY of Christmas, 12/25, gets a little lost. It's cool actually, because I have a whole month of getting to celebrate instead of concentrating it all on one day.
* For the first time in YEARS my nails are chewed. I haven't chewed my nails in the longest time. I sort of nibble on them occasionally, or I gnaw on my thumbnail, but I never chew them in such a way that my nails look short and chewed on. I think the combination of really cold, dry weather combined with holiday madness has conspired to make my hands look like those of a 14 year old emo girl.
* Yeah, I've rambled on enough. People, you have yourselves a happy happy holiday week. Eat a lot, hug a lot, hump a lot if you have someone or something to hump, find one person and forgive them, eat some fruitcake to remind yourself that this is the worst thing you could possibly eat, bundle up and enjoy the ride.
At Target last night buying the odds and ends for Christmas and personal well being. Wandered to the health and beauty section to pick up the last item.
'Calculatedly good-looking suburban white guy' and i go down the same aisle together to get what we need. My item comes in boxes of 12 and 36, I need the box of 36 but there are 3 of the 12 packs hanging on the peg in front of the box of 36 that I want. Pulling the 3 small boxes off then grabbing my economy pack I feel success. Mr Guy comes back down the aisle towards me and we glance at each other.
He's holding a giant box of tampons as though they were tainted with nuclear waste, I'm standing there holding 72 condoms in my hands (only wanting to buy 36, mind you). In an instant, our eyes said everything that needed to be said. We both knew who was going to have fun.
It was sad to see a man look so defeated in such a short span of time.
As an afterword...
I bought my condoms last night and arranged the ones I had by expiration date (doesn't really matter since they get used regularly and the expiration dates are for sometime in 2007, but...you know). This morning I got to work and a friend had sent me a large package of condoms to make sure I had a happy and healthy holiday season.
I stopped correcting my typos.
What I Learned In 2004 Is...
I learned I am stronger than I ever thought possible and I learned to hold on to that strength and that resolve no matter what.
I learned that cats may be cool, but dogs make far more interesting companions.
I learned who my true friends were and you can be sure I judged harshly here. If you 'stepped back', 'gave me space', did not come forward or just generally were not there when I needed you, you got bumped to the 'acquantances' category. I figure most who got bumped probably don't mind anyway, but t be clear, if you are unsure where you stand don;t bother asking. If you offered to hide bodies for me (or even generate them for me), you'll be getting an extra gift when santa comes 'round.
I learned that as much as I hate flying, I hate not traveling even more.
I learned that there's more than one way to load a dishwasher.
I learned that 'shmoo' doesn't have a 'C' in it.
I learned that while you can never be hip enough or thin enough for most people, there are people who like you for your chubby dorkiness.
I learned that too little nicotine and caffeine will give you a massive headache. Same with too much. Having vices is a delicate balancing act.
I learned that there is a very very important difference between Trojan Ultra-pleasure condoms and Trojan Lasting Pleasure condoms. Seriously, the difference between 'ultra' and 'lasting' makes all the difference in the world and using the wrong ones can cause perplexing issues.
I learned that you CAN measure the caliber of a person by the company they keep and in fact it is probably the best indicator. Relatedly, you can learn a lot about a person by how they treat those close to them.
I learned that the more sentimental value you assign to an object the greater your chance of losing that object later. This was a lesson I learned the hard way as a child and somehow forgot to carry over into my adulthood. I lost a gift that an old friend gave to me, an engraved lighter, something I cherished and now it's lost. That hurt a lot.
I learned that mirth and joy couldbe found anywhere and you'd do yourself some good to find it and laugh whenever possible.
I learned that I'm charming and I smell like pea soup.
I learned that once you find someone willing to cut your hair as short as you want it you hold on to him as tight as possible. My hairdresser is one of dearest friends (though, to be honest it has less and less to do with my hair every day).
I learned that my body could betray me in ways I never expected and yet when I attack it with cigarettes, caffeine, doritos and chinese food it still manages to breathe.
I learned that parity is possible.
I learned that every day starts with a sunrise and if that isn't reason enough to get up then you should go back to bed.
It's time for the end of the year redux where I talk about all that happened in 2004 and what I learned from it. Obviously, the big event for me this year was the break up with my longtime girlfriend. It happened in March and colored most of the events in the following months. I'll write another post about the other things I learned this year, but this will get its own post for now.
Nine months beore the actual break up was when I checked out emotionally. I remember the day, I remember the moment really. We'd gone to Owatonna after work for a little evening picnic. As we drove in to town looking for the park she said something for me and I knew I was done. It struck me right to the core. I tried not to react, I tried to think about it rationally.
And as we sat there in the park eating our thai papaya salad it occured to me that I was not doing much to contribute to the conversation, my head was spinning a million miles an hour with everything that should have been said but wasn't.
We drove home quietly, not saying much for there wasn't much to say about it. I knew then that if anything happened to the relationship I'd not do anything to save it and that was my mistake. My mistake was not walking away when I knew there was no hope, staying where I had no faith. I'd considered it, god knows I thought long and hard about it, but ultimately I concluded that I wasn't smart enough or strong enough to do it on my own so I stayed figuring it was better than the alternative.
And I was wrong. In March I started to learn things about myself. I learned that I have inside me an enormous well of strength and I can use that to brace myself against anything and I learned that I may not be terribly smart, but I can make decisions and from that get the things that are important to me, without compromise.
And most importantly, I learned that I don't need to be with someone to feel secure. That one took some grand thought, some real time alone in my head. It's ironic that I make this statement just as I enter into a new relationship with someone, but what I know walking into this is that I have the luxury of being picky, I don't have to compromise.
I made a big mistake in 2003, I underestimated myself in a major way and that mistake ended up permeating 2004. Lesson learned. I look forward to 2005 and a new beginning.
Been going old school in the car this week, hitting up the old Ani Difranco. This song has been getting the repeat treatment. I guess it's sad to think of anyone willing to be like that or something, I don't know.
Then I've got The Be Good Tanyas giving me a song about traveling. First time I saw the video to this song I got all teary eyed at the line "I love you so dearly, I love you so fearlessly". I wanted very much to have a point in my life where that could happen. It still might someday, I don't know.
I think I'll make a cd of the sad songs by women I've been listening to, maybe post the list on here.
Dammit, i'd finally gotten used to having someone around, finally gotten used to sharing my time and interests again. I'd finally found someone with the same goofy interests in dinosaurs and movies and my dog.
Dammit, I'd gotten used to having you around and now you go on vacation? Dork. I miss you. I mean the dog is warm and all, but he doesn't cuddle. And the dog is fun and all, but he doesn't pick me up and carry me around. The dog has DOES have a firm, proud buttocks, but...yeah well, you know.
I miss you, but I'll see you in a week, baby.
xoh
1) Rushmore is a good movie.
2) My dog is a kick ass companion.
3) I fucking hate winter in Minnesota.
Hey you two!
While I appreciate the sentiment and all there's no need to send me a card. Seriously. I didn't do anything. Fate just stepped right in there and she did a beautiful job. I can't think of two personalities more suited to each other than yours. It's almost eery in a way.
I look forward to your years together, I hope they are everything you deserve and more.
Shine on, you crazy kids!
h!
"I don't want you to die prematurely! You're 31 and eating popcorn for dinner, that just has butter on it."
"I also had caramel corn...that has sugar on it...and nuts!"
1) It takes more babies, time and geological pressure than we can muster to make our own source of fossil fuels.
2) The dimetrodon died to fuel our freedom.
3) "You are not a unique snowflake. You are just one ice crystal in the glacier of hatred that rumbles through the valley of my life."
4) It's Hump Day, do your part or terrorism wins.
5) Can you call child protective services before a child is conceived? (this conversation was actually funnier than it sounds, though the reality is possibly sadder than we realize. Hooray for birth control I say).
6) "Solipsism is an art I perfected. You are just a blank screen I project on. No, seriously."
The only way today could possibly be happier is if aliens landed outside my office and brought to me my very own pet dimetrodon AND ankylosaur and then gave me a really good sandwich with some funyuns on the side.
and maybe a beer.
Discuss.
p.s.
we do it because we can and we do it because the reaction makes us giggle and sometimes mirth can be found in the littlest of things.
Woo, yeah so it's been busy busy, time for the patented (and highly fascinating) bulleted list...
* Yeah, the rumours are true. His name is David.
* Going to New Orleans for the week after Christmas. Looking forward to good food, the aquarium, warm weather, all that good stuff.
* You can't use an iPod with gloves on. I didn't know this. Something about making a circuit with the buttons, you need fleshy contact. On very cold mornings it is not uncommon to see me licking the buttons on my iPod.
* I did not leave the house this weekend. I went out briefly so the dog could pee and I could smoke but I went nowhere. Friday night I relaxed in a bubble bath with a bottle of wine while I waited for the boy. Saturday i made rack of lamb for dinner with the boy and my hairdresser. Sunday was all about chilling and watching movies. No need to leave. Excellent.
* People are still telling me I look like I've lost weight, i still maintain that without evidence of a massive tumor or tapeworm it can't be possible.
* Ghengis is being boarded for the first time (no, not 'boarded by aliens' but in a kennel). He's at that age where he's all puppy craziness and he's full size and he is without adult dog control. He'll be staying at a pretty nice kennel for the week I am in New Orleans. This will take the pressure off my dad to watch him.
* I need to finish Christmas shopping. Better hope you have an amazon wishlist because I'm too damned busy to care.
* Speaking of Christmas, this is the first Christmas in a long time without any decorations and I'm pretty okay with that. I was never much of a Christmas person, I prefer Thanksgiving to all other holidays, but I did the Christmas thing every year and it was kind of fun. In the 'Official Division of Community Property' I let Jen take the Christmas stuff as it was definitely more her thing than mine. No tree, no ornaments, no decorations and I'm actually pretty happy with that. I think I'll take a couple years off Christmas and see what happens. Sadly, this DOES mean that I'm not sending out Christmas cards this year. So if you normally got a card from me, you probably won't this year. It's not that I don't care, but...you know.
* Saw Garden State last night. Not a bad movie, felt like if he had waited 5 years to write it and make it the movie would have felt a little more cohesive. I was struck at the end by the falling in love bit. How can you fall in love with someone in 4 days? I'll admit that i tend to be more cynic than romantic, but still, 4 days is an awful short time, that's hardly love.
* I've said it before and I will say it again, I love my hairdresser with all the dirtiness in the world. When I say, "I'm thinking of going with blue next time" he immediately describes how we will do icy blue hair with dark blue highlights. Love him.
* I can not for the life of me ever remember my log in names or passwords for my credit card's websites so i can pay them online. Every account I have requires 4 or 5 attempts with various combinations of log ins and passwords. The problem with (or the saving grace depending on how you look at it) bank and credit card sites is that they have slightly more stringent requirements for log in names and passwords. I can't just use my standard log ins because I need to have passwords be longer than usual and I have to include a number in there somewhere. I know, I do appreciate that it is harder to log in to than say your standard internet forum, but still...I'm not smart enough to remember this shit!
until next time, folks. I hope to come up with something more interesting. I have photos that need to be posted, I'll try to get those up here.
It's freaking cold in my office but the guy in charge of the heat is on vacation leaving the guy in my department that i despise more than anyone else (here at work at least). He and i have verbally tangled so many times in the last couple days that I can not call him up because it will mean he will have to actually come into my office and I will have to look at him and try not to kill him.
The exchange would go like this...
Him: ooh is it too cold for the princess?
Me: Fuck you, you stupid fucking motherfucker get out of my office before I have you fucking dismembered and fed to pigs.
Stuff like that doesn't look so good on your permanent record. Later interviews would go something like this...
Me: I have great interpersonal skills
Potential boss: before or after you threaten murder people?
so you see my dilemma.
I'll bully out the cold.
My lack of sleep this past week finally caught up with me. I got home at 7pm last night, ate a bit of ice cream and went to lay down while I contemplated what to make for dinner.
At 10:30 David called me. I'd napped for 3 hours. He came over and I got up for a couple hours, went back to bed and here it is, almost 10am and I'm STILL in bed, posting this.
I've got much to do today, so I'll be up in a minute, but for now I just want to revel in my warm comfy bed and hug the puppy dog next to me.
A few months ago a friend of mine was going through a break up. Things were not going well, she was very upset. I suggested to her that she go out and buy a pair of shoes, something that made her feel sexy. When the time came, and she would know when that time was, she was to put on those shoes and walk away from that relationship forever.
She took my advice, bought those shoes and it worked. The transformation in her was amazing.
A few weeks ago she popped up and asked me, "Heather, have you bought your shoes yet?". D'oh! I'd forgotten to buy my shoes. I tasked Owen to join me on this shopping mission, to help me pick out my shoes. We went to Nordstrom (because if you want to buy something symbolic and you want the best service, this is where you go). I tried on a few pairs and settled on my shoes. Cheaper than I expected by a long shot, too.
These shoes symbolize independence to me and I will think of that every time I put them on. As I was pondering what this new found independence meant, how my life would change as I embraced it more and more every day. Every situation that I came up with had the same feel to it. For me, independence boiled down to one thing, summed up in a Mike Doughty line...
Finally, I don't mind, I'm not as smart as you require
I'll spend my time taking the longer way to get somewhere because I don't know the shortcut, my clothes probably won't match as well as before, things that I do won't be as efficient, my walls will be decorated with things that I like, even if they don't all go together. These things will happen and I will make foolish decisions but they will be mine to make and though, to the outside observer, they will seem dumb, I will own them as mine completely.
I'm a silly little person, for the first time in my life I'm making decisions by myself. It scares me not to have the input of someone more logical, someone smarter than me, but I'll find a way to do this and I'll wear my shoes while I'm doing it.
too much to think about right now so many things to deal with. here's my list...
* Chinasaurs kick ass!!
* Not sleeping sucks
* Snow sucks
* Homemade sausage pizza kicks ass
* House not selling sucks
* Trying to decide on travel plans for winter break kicks ass!
There's more, there's so much more going on but I don't have the energy or inclination to write right now. later.