The Velvet Cerebellum

1) coming home, feeling blue, finding you are out of ice cream bars. WTF? Where did they go? Obviously they went in my mouth since I'm the only one who eats them. Still, where the fuck are my ice cream bars???

2) those telephone menu systems that require you to speak your answer rather than push a button and I have particular ire for those that don't let you stab zero repeatedly until you get an operator. So you sit there on the phone and you listen to a menu like this:
If you would like automotive sales...say 'taco'...if you would like to know the weather...say 'genocide'...if you can stick your entire fist in your mouth...say 'humble'...if there is a penguin in your line of site...say 'blastocyst'...
and so you say 'blastocyst' and the inhumanly calm voice says, "you have selected...'baklava' if this is correct say 'yes' if this is incorrect say 'no'". And so you say, "no! for the everloving peace of god, NO!!" and the voice comes back and says, "I am unable to handle your request."

I can not for the life of me see the use of this system. I mean it. You can't convince me that this is a service provided for the rotary dial phone owners in the nation that must number in the tens. And companies that implement these systems are not brand new companies that have just put in brand new phone menu systems and made a poor choice. These are regular, established companies that decided to spend giant amounts of money to 'upgrade' their systems with speech-pattern recognition programs in the hopes of impressing me, the consumer. Do they expect me to be sitting there on the phone rambling seemingly unrelated words and thinking, "hey, i feel like a tube sock, but this company must be one worth doing business with because they've already made such massive amounts of money they can afford this fucked up phone system. No bother that I would prefer that they take that money and pass it on to me in the form of savings-rich coupons."

3)My new mattress, with the featherbed on top of it is too thick for my sheets. I am not happy about this.

4)People who base their entire political opinion on campaign ads. "I saw an ad that said Politician X was dumb!!!". Yeah, I saw an ad that said that I could make millions of dollars if I bought the package that would teach me how. Oddly, because it was an AD i assumed there might be an AGENDA behind it and MAYBE I should stop for a moment and consider the MOTIVATION behind the words I was reading. And on a related note, I hate when people are like "I heard Politician Y was trying to rehearse his answers for the debate and try to look slick." Indeed, it must be a terrible place to live in knowing that people who speak in public might want to look as though they know what they are doing and what they are talking about. I can't imagine a worse sin than being prepared. He added, "I heard he was practicing his answers to the questions even though he didn't have the questions in advance." Oh right, because in a presidential debate it is so outstandingly hard to predict what kinds of questions might be asked. Who knows, maybe some Wolf Blitzer clone might stand up and ask, "Politician X, with all of the dust on the moon, where do you stand on its distance from earth?". Christ, if that was even a remote possibility I might watch, but really, all the same topics will be covered as in every election since the Greeks and the SAME answers will be laid out. Presidential debates aren't staged so that we can see where the politicians stand on the issues, we already know the answers to the questions we already know will be asked. They have the debates so we can watch and feel like we are somehow part of the process. It's times like these I am really glad I don't have TV.

Okay, that's enough. I'm going to meet Alan for a beer and a burger and some pms venting. We love Alan dearly because he let's me vent my pms ire all over the table but refuses to allow me to take myself too seriously. He's a good guy, that Alan, you should go read his blog and then tell him what a good guy he is.

Stay foamy, peeps.

Posted by Heather at 11:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

He made it through his surgery just fine. He wants a root beer float and a gin and tonic, so he's back to himself as well.

The most perplexing thing was that they took pictures with the teeny cameras inside him and printed them up, leaving them in his room. He, my sister and I just sat there looking at them like "is that a stomach? eeew what's that??

Did they expect us to order up wallet sizes or maybe an 8x10 for the mantel? Looks like the family christmas card is taken care of.

In other news...I finally purchased my new mattress and in the process challenged 3 people to fight me. Also, when I went to set up delivery the woman said, "oooh is this your first big-girl bed??" um, I'm 31. Big-girl bed? Seriously? I guess it's like being carded for cigarettes or something, you just pretend like it's flattering and move on.

In case you didn't know, this is my PSA to you all, old suburban women don't like when you yell, "I'm fuckin' hungry now, ya know" and then look at your sister and threaten to kick her ass if she can't name the movie (Fargo). Follow it up with some choice quotes from The Breakfast Club and you've got a party.

Posted by Heather at 11:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

My dad goes in on Monday for surgery. I know that things will turn out okay, but I'm terribly worried. Please send good wishes.

Posted by Heather at 11:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

I am the queen of gravy making! I am king shit world heavyweight champion of gravies! No lie. You can say to me in your little whiny voice, "but my mom..." YOUR MOM LEARNED IT FROM ME!! and you can crawl around whimpering, "grandma...grandma...her gravy...so good.." and I'll kick you in the ribs and make you apologize for your heresy once you've tried my gravy.

I am the interplanetary goddess of gravy and even Jesus himself could not tear the title from my grasp. Loaves and fishes indeed! Where's the thick, unctuous sauce for your bread and fish??? It's nowhere!!! I make the gravy around here and you better learn to like it.

Posted by Heather at 11:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

Just another one of those random posts

I woke up this morning feeling like I had overindulged last night. I went over the checklist of things I had to do to make me feel better, shower, coffee, french toast. Then it occurs to me that not only did I not overindulge last night, I hadn't even partaken AND I went to bed early. Dang. All the hangover, none of the fun.

Met Owen for brunch, french toast! We caught up on our lives and mocked the horrendous toupé and ate our french toast. Good times.

Luckily, Owen was there when I went to start my car and discovered the dead battery. Dang again. He gave me a jump (with me being all 'don't blow my car up!!') and I got my car over to the garage. New battery, oil change, lotsa car love.

Jen and I took the puppy to the lake and let him run around a bit. Happy puppy running in the sun, rolling in the grass, chewing on his meaty, chewy treat. Unfortunately, the grass was just wet enough that when he rolled in it he managed to get grass stains all over himself. He needs a bath now. Lucky guy.

When we put the house on the market we packed a lot of stuff thinking we'd be moving soon. We were wrong, I need my crock pot. I dug it out and now I have a lovely pot roast chugging away in the kitchen. mmm hot roast beef sandwiches.

I had a dream last night that a friend of mine and I were back in high school. We had decided to play hooky and go back to his place. He picked me up and on the way to his house he made me stop at the school and pick up my homework. Before we had any illicit school-skipping fun he insisted that we do our homework first and he was going to have to help me. I love when my dreams take my real life and make things obvious. He's totally my smart, responsible friend.

The weird thing is that it was the first "i'm back in school" dream where I didn't get lost in the building trying to find my locker.

This morning I almost skinned the puppy alive when I walked out of the shower and found he had chewed the shit out of my security blanket (yes, I have a security blanket, shut up or I'll kick your ass. Hard). I didn't kill him, but I made him stay away from me. He managed to keep a five foot distance from me at all times and whined pitifully the whole time. It's so hard to stay mad at him.

I borrowed the Babylon 5 dvd's from Alan. I've been watching obsessively. Season one was not so good, but it's getting better. My question is, why are all space seeresses bald?

Roast is cooking. Yum.

Posted by Heather at 11:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

Me: This is why my friends hate me, I overwhelm them
Him: We don't hate you, we're just trying to build a resistance to you.

Posted by Heather at 11:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

"I never rode the short bus, either, but I still managed to build a respectable fantasy around it."

and...
"When you hump on the short bus you have to use your inside voice."

Posted by Heather at 11:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

"I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move."

-- Robert Louis Stevenson

Posted by Heather at 11:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

Coming to work and finding a mini cupcake on your desk.

Also, surprise phone calls from Ireland, lobster shaped bottle openers, and the promise of vietnamese round noodle soup with pork and burnt shallots for lunch. Yum.

Posted by Heather at 11:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

Quote of the Day

"God, you'd be better at it, Heather, you're hip as fuck"

There you have it, people, I'm hip as fuck!

Posted by Heather at 11:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

This is me wilting in the Austin heat. Dang, yo.

Posted by Heather at 11:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

1) I type 'austin' then think I misspelled it and retype 'austen' then realize that's wrong and go back. I do this a lot.

2) It's the calmest city I've ever seen. Serene, amiable, easy to get along with. Everyone is polite without being nosy.

3) All the roads wind, I think only Congress was straight. Weird.

4) Everything felt like it took a long time to get to when driving. I don't know if that's Austin (it is a very spread out city compared to Minneapolis which is rather compact and dense) or just my northern impatience.

5) At ACL Fest I saw no fights, no excess drunkeness and not a single one of those girls that drops acid, freaks and has to have her friends drag her crying and freaking over to the medical tent.

6) No one I talked to was actually from Austin, everyone was from somewhere else and they moved there to go to school or something. maybe that's why everyone is so polite. You're always nicer to something that you come into instead of something that is just there.

7) Guadalupe Rivera at the Austin airport was the first person EVER (and I mean EVER) to look at me disapprovingly because of my hair. No matter what weird colors or styles I've had, people have either ignored it or complimented it, no one has disapproved. At least not until Guadalupe Rivera, TSA agent extraordinaire! Of course, it could be that other people have looked at me disapprovingly and I never noticed. On the other hand (I had someone point out to me that whenever I write about something negative I always start the next bit with 'on the other hand' and relate something positive. It's part of my internal campaign to keep a healthy, positive outlook on life. Or something lame like that.) the guy who scanned my bags joked about it and I joked back and in his dead sexy texas accent said, 'you're really funny, ya know'. I laughed, winked and said goodye. I love texas men.

8) I thought it was just Ethan, but when we met up with his friends at ACL, they all took turns asking me if I was comfortable, happy, having a good time. Either I looked ill (possible in that heat) or Austinites are really the most polite people on the planet.

9) I want to start a PSA campaign letting the halter-top girls in Austin know that they should enjoy it now, but keep in mind that gravity will not be kind to them.

10) Bikes own the city. They're everywhere in huge numbers and everyone respects them.

11) I miss it already.

Posted by Heather at 11:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

Of course I cried at the terminal, I do that every time. Ethan and I had a lovely day shopping and brunching and talking and laughing. It was a perfect end to a really lovely weekend.

Now I'm at the airport and getting ready for whatever awaits me at home.

Pictures should hopefully up soon, but as you know, I always promise pictures and rarely deliver. I'm terrible that way.

Thank you, Ethan, thank you for a wonderful, relaxing and fun weekend. I definitely needed it.

Posted by Heather at 11:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

Awake again to the snuffling of a giant dog around my head. He gets a great good belly rub and the day begins with cigarettes and coffee that Ethan picked up for me (he's a good guy, that Ethan).

Again we are batting about the idea of not going to the festival on Sunday. It's immensely hot, we're exhausted, the sun is threatening to consume the earth.

After talks with friends we decide to give it a go, figuring that if we get there a little later in the day we won't have to deal with as much sun. It means missing The Roots and Calexico, but it's worth it for some sanity.

We park in our special place again and walk the mile to the festival gates. It's obvious that people got pretty beat up by the sun and heat yesterday, we get in without a wait, there's definitely not as many people inside. We're tough guys, we're soldiers, we're there ready to fight the good fight. We meet up with Ethan's friend Dana and her friends Val and Brian. What's amazing to me is that in this massive park, with all these people, it's really not that hard to find people. "Meet me by the Jamba Juice line" works beautifully.

Ethan and I get our lunch, possibly the best brats ever with sauerkraut and curry ketchup. Why does food like that taste so much better in the heat of the sun? I don't know, but it was damned good.

On the way back to meet the others, Ethan notes that he will remember this moment forever and as he says that I realize that I had just fallen into my Austin perfect moment. Walking in the sun at a great festival with great music playing all around me, 60,000 people wandering around, not a single act of violence to be had, spending this time with one of my favorite people on the planet. This was my perfect moment and Ethan had his at the same time. Life is perfect that way.

Brats eaten, watered procured (for whatever reason, I bought two bottles, it's a pain to carry the extra bottle and it's easy enough to buy them when you need them. Weird), the five of us find an excellent spot for Elvis Costello and let the show begin. Ethan points out that the later stuff just sort of meanders, it's not as good as the older stuff, but he puts on a great show and he played a song off the new album (a theme album, go figure). Val asked if she could have some water, I gave her my extra bottle and she promptly bought me a $4 Heineken, the first of many I would consume. This is why I bought the second bottle of water, I just didn't realize it at the time.

After Elvis, more wandering, laying down, catching bits and pieces of bands, beer drinking, getting to know each other. It's been decided that if the Baltimore thing doesn't work out for me, I will seriously reconsider Austin.

The arts and crafts area offers up to me 897,653 different purses that all want to be purchased by me. I manage to resist just in time to get over and see Wilco.

The thing with the beer drinking is this, we all keep going to buy the beers, you can buy two at a time, so you get one for yourself and for someone else. We just keep buying beers for each other. Val and Dana don't drink beer as fast as the rest of us so they keep handing me their extra beers. I end up only having to pay for 4 of the 8 beers I drank. Austin drinking math is the best math in the whole wide world.

Between Wilco and Ben Harper I am snared by the purses and actually buy one. I also buy a 'Jews Kick Ass' t-shirt for Ethan because it's true, they do.

I waited all weekend to see Ben Harper and I am double plus happy that I made it and didn't stay away because of the heat. I made a drunk dial to Mark when he played 'Burn One Down'. It just seemed so appropriate. Ethan and I wanted to get out of the park before the show ended, but I wanted to hear Ben Harper do one song before we left. We waited, I rocked out, it was good, but it was getting near time and we still hadn't heard the song. We just couldn't wait any longer, we definitely did not want to get stuck in the crown again.

It was a wise choice, we made it out without a wait and made it to the car quicklike.

Ethan made a great dinner and we ponder the cosmic perfection of combining peas with carrots. It's just so right.

When Sara heard I was coming to visit she found a 2 dvd set of Disney science cartoons made in the early 50's because she knows how much I love stuff like that. After dinner, we popped those babies in and watched the what the future might hold for us in terms of trying to get to space. We got to see the history of rockets (apparently rockets were invented by horrifyingly stereotypical Chinese guys in conical hats with big toothy grins and slit-like eyes, hmmm). Scientists were hard at work trying to solve the problems of rocket boosters, g-forces and most importantly, how to mix a tasty Manhattan in space.

Bedtime, Monday is my last day and I am very sad about this.

Posted by Heather at 11:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

Cole wakes me up with a good head snuffling. I spend a good twenty minutes rubbing his belly and telling him how pretty he is. So pretty. I'd had about 4 hours of sleep at that point. So tired.

Ethan very graciously went out to get me some coffee. I had graciously warned him in advance about my sick and dirty coffee addiction. Bagels, coffee, cigarettes and a shower and we're good to go.

I'm offered sunblock. Multiple times. I don't need no stinkin' sunblock, no way. I'm tough, I'm mean, I'm fishbelly pale. After yesterday, I'm a beet red little piggy. Ow.

There's no parking at the actual festival, parking is offered about 87,000 miles away with free shuttle service to and from. More on this later, but I'm pretty sure the word to describe the shuttle users is 'suckers'. We manage to defy the bright orange signs everywhere and park in a neighborhood about a mile away. It's a beautiful walk in the shimmery Austin heat. Heat? It was like 97 degrees with 8000% humidity.

Once inside we spied a tree to rest under, the heat was really intense. Once over the hill we discovered that a collapsible chair city had sprung up not unlike a refugee camp. We hated them and moved on to the food while catching bits and pieces of music here and there. The festival as set up beautifully. So many stages, all set up so that one fades out before the next one picks up. Really well planned, great music everywhere.

The food options were fantastic, we ended up with steak tacos and Jamba Juice and we chilled under a table to escape the heat. Modest Mouse kicked ass, had a great show, but the crowds were crazy. After the set we headed off to get some beer and relax in the shade. Dashboard Confessional was great when heard while lying on the ground in the shade by the beer tent. By this point I am worried because I've had so much to drink but I have not peed yet. So I drank more beer.

Surprisingly, the port-a-potties were not awful. They weren't great, there was no toilet paper (I planned ahead!) but they were not awful.

The sun set, it was beautiful and the temperature dropped a good 475 degrees.

I have a confession to make. I don't know The Pixies. When I tell people there is a general uproar and disbelief all around, "how could you not know The Pixies, they're your generation??!!??". Indeed they are my generation and yet, I don't really know them or anything about them. The Pixies hit the stage after sundown, Ethan and I went to see the show (he, of course, knows and loves them). The show was great. I'm now a fan. Things work out that way. On a side note, Kim Deal looked like a soccer mom in her JCPenny knit top, black jeans and wash and go haircut. I could totally imagine her calling the other moms on the carpool list explaining that she couldn't pull soccer transport duty for a couple weeks because she had to go play some rock and roll. The other mom's are pretty understanding, they know what it's like to have a dream.

The Pixies let out about 8 minutes before Trey Anastasios army of hippies left. Imagine 70,000 people trying to get out 2 gates. Ugly. Once we got out the gate and started walking it wasn't too bad, things moved steadily. At one point I realized there was a line formed to my right, 4 people deep and possibly 1/4 long. These were the people waiting for the shuttle. I'm pretty sure that when I arrived on Sunday they were still loading them on the cute little Austin buses. We did not take the shuttle and were able to get to the car, get some fast food and get home before the second coming.

I was so damned tired that I passed out immediately after eating, I don't even think I finished swallowing that last bite.

We're seriously considering not going to Sunday.

Posted by Heather at 10:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

Airports are boring as hell. Seriously. I don't care if the endless banks of televisions tell me over and over again that there is 'so much more than waiting at the airport'. You're wrong. I had to get to the airport early, so my wait consisted of a double vodka tonic (only two dollars more! she says to me as though that's some sweet deal) and airport nachos. Yeah, you read that right, I sat in the airport bar (which you can not smoke in) and drank a double vodka tonic and ate shitty nachos.

At the gate I obsessively played 'Dope Wars', restarting the game when I realized cocaine or ecstasy was not available in that round. Is seemed wrong, in these days of heightened awareness and security to be sitting at the airport gate playing a game in which you pretend to be a drug lord. BTW, I always want coke and e in my games because they have the best price fluctuations allowing me to quickly turn a profit.

The flights were uneventful. We flew by a massive storm in the middle of the country, fascinating to watch.

I didn't recognize him when I came down the escalator. The last time I saw him he was too skinny, shaved head, quiet, almost unhealthy. The Ethan that greeted me was radiant and healthy. He was happy, you could see it coming out of him. We blocked escalator traffic with our hug. It takes a while to assimilate the person in front of you with the voice you hear on the phone almost daily.

We went on a tour of Austin, I got to see the capitol, the bridge where pedestrians get hit by cars yet refuse to use the special bridge built just for them, 'Punta Caliente' - the hottest titty bar on the airport strip, the University of Texas (where Ethan works). Back to his place to drop off my stuff and make plans for the evening.

Have I mentioned how great it is to hang out with Ethan? It took about 32 seconds, then we were back into our comfortable groove. We have our private jokes, our history, our intense knowledge of each other. I don't know anyone with such an intimate knowledge of the inner workings of my head.

I got to meet the 'kids', Cole the beautiful husky, and Boris and Ivan the twin black cats, brothers but completely different personalities.

Off to dinner, the chicken fried steak of the gods!! We picked up Sara for dinner. What a wonderful and beautiful person, what a treat to meet the lady Ethan talks about with such joy and love. Sara was just a doll, I hope I get to spend more time with her this weekend.

The chicken fried steak was everything the gods had meant it to be, including servings way to big for mortal man!

Later that evening Ethan and I went to meet some friends of his at a downtown bar. I love meeting my friend's friends and watching them interact. Ethan's friends are so fond of him, you could really see it in the way they talked.

Sadly, we missed the 'Elimidate' (elim-a-date???) taping at the bar. All the über-hipster boys and silicone girls came in for the event. Got to watch a drunk fratster face plant into the concrete with a rather solid thud. On we went to 6th street, Austin's answer to Bourbon street. That thing was solid bars and frat boys with a roofie and a dream. I would like to give a shout out to the girlie in the white go-go boots. You go girl. Austin is such an odd mix of nouveau hippies, hipsters with a dream, and frat kids, but they all peacefully coexist. Weird.

I'm exhausted, I spent the day on planes, we head back to the car, we head back home.

We start talking. It's 1:30 in the morning. Ethan keeps meticulous illustrated journals, he pulls them out. For the next 4 hours we pour over his journals, his illustrations, we reminisce. He finds the journal from when we met, we talk about what a hard time that was in his life, how I just dropped in suddenly in the mix of this tumultuous time for him. We find the references to me in the journals and laugh. He wonders if perhaps I'm a nut too, there's an entry "Arguing with Heather" but no explanation, I remember the argument well. At first he was self conscious about what he might have written about me, but he had no reason to be, these were his journals, his place to clear his head.

We started talking at 1:30 in the morning, yes we did. Lights out and asleep by 6am. We talked, we shared stories, we laughed, we smoked (me more than him), we drank (him more than me), we teased, we laughed, we comforted, we shared.

I hate knowing that in a couple days I will be at the airport crying like a baby and hating how far away all my friends are. Hate it.

I love that I'm getting this opportunity,

Posted by Heather at 10:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

Sadly, I had to cancel the date with Russ tonight in order to prepare for another open house. Buy my house already!! So instead of gigabit network switches and...well, it's spot cleaning the carpet and making it look like fashionable spartans live here.

Well, I guess this means that I have more time to pack, or something.

Okay, also, I discovered where to get cheap cigarettes. They were out of my trashy Camel Lights, so I decided to order 2 cartons ($32 total WITH shipping) of the oh so swank European Camel Lights. Figured they were the same thing, but with pretty blue packaging. I'm wrong so often, you'd think I'd be used to it by now. European efficiency shines through in these smokes! They smoke faster, not sure why, but it means I smoke more. The filter is way less dense so I get more tar, formeldehyde and arsenic in my lungs with every puff. They also just seem to be a harsher blend of tobacco, chemicals and poisons. I'm getting cancer quicker and more efficiently than I would have on my normal lazy, American, pig-dog cigarettes. (I had to take out my little german phrase here as Babelfish translated 'Cancers of the world unite' into 'crabs of the world unite' thinking I was refering to the astrological sign. As humorous as I think it is to call together the crustaceans of the world and have them rise up against you, I just don't think it's germane to the conversation at hand)

One more thing...
Today I received a text message from a friend. He sent me a compliment that meant the world to me...

"Myself and Geoff were just out for a drink and we both agreed that you have the most beautiful, mirthful and infectious laugh of anyone we know."

Made me want to cry to read that. Thank you, boys, it made my day.

Cancer break then more carpet cleaning fun!

Posted by Heather at 10:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

It's been established that I love to travel and I do it as often as I can. I realized last night that in the last 18 months I have flown to...

* New York City
* Miami
* Oregon
* DC
* Orlando
* Baltimore

and tomorrow I fly to Austin. This does not include the many many roadtrips I've taken, near and far, that have brought me all over the country (mostly south and east).

It saddens me when i meet people who don't travel much, who don't get to see all the crazy, scary, wondrous things out there.

On the other hand, when I take vacation time, I never relax. I go as hard and as fast as i can to do and see as much as possible. I always come back to work exhausted and needing time off.

Thank god for sick time is all I have to say.

Posted by Heather at 10:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

In 48 hours I will be on a flight to Austin, TX. In Austin I will eat the chicken fried steak of the gods, rock out to various and sundry popular music acts, explore Austin, try to buy live armadillos as souvenirs for my friends and family, and hang out with Ethan who I havent seen in over 2 years and I miss terribly.

I have much to do before i leave including house cleaning, shopping, and my personal favorite, 'fat-pants laundry'. Fat-pants laundry is the laundry you do when you need EVERYTHING clean so you put on those pants that you never wear because they make you look hugely fat and you wash everything else.

Fun.

I'm bringing my laptop and will try to post from Austin if I have time.

In other news...

Got my hair done last night. Owen is such a magician! Slightly silver tinted platinum blond hair with deep purple highlights. Picture later if I can get one that doesn't make me look...HUGELY FAT!!!

I got invited to a wedding next month. It's all formal attire. Dang. So, now I need to find a dress that doesn't make me look like the hindenburg or cthulhu and I need to find a suitable date. The thing about the date is that they need to own a 'formal attire' appropriate outfit AND be into the post-wedding makeout session. The post-wedding makeout session is non-negotiable, it must happen. It's the best part of the wedding. The only bright side to having to buy a dress is that the groom assured me it would be quite alright for me to dye my hair to match my dress. Nice. Envious?

Stay foamy, peeps.

Posted by Heather at 10:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

Today would have been mine and jen's 11th anniversary. I just sort of realized it as I was getting my shit together for the day. I mean I knew it was, I'd thought about it this week, but it just hit me. It's a tough day.

It's hard to realize that you love and care for someone as much as you did 11 years ago, but neither of you would be happy in a relationship together. I've known her for 16 years, I've watched her transform herself many times over into the person she is today. I'll miss her truly and terribly when I move, but I think moving away and creating distance is the best way we have to preserve what's left of our friendship.

For our tenth anniversary she took me to Savannah for the weekend. She booked a hotel on my favorite beach, we ate at my favorite restaurants, it was a beautiful gift. It was a lovely way to wind down a relationship we knew was ending. I'll always have that as my last anniversary with her and it will always make me happy.

I had a good long cry today, it was a release. Then I headed out a met her at the end of the 3day walk for breast cancer. I was so proud of her, she accomplished something that was so important to her and would help so many people. As I watched her in the final parade I knew in my heart I would always love her, you never lose your first great love. It reaffirmed for me my goal to preserve and keep our friendship because it is something truly special and she is an awesome human being.

Now one of you buy my goddamed house so we can move on with our lives

Posted by Heather at 8:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

So the ether of pms just suddenly cleared! boom!

I could totally feel it happen. I'm happy.

No...not happy..JOYOUS. We're returning to our regularly scheduled charm and mirth. I've laughed so much today, it's infectious, it feeds itself. Sure, there's a little schedenfreude in there, but really, when is my joy cake not frosted with schadenfreude tinted icing??

I'm back on top of my game, people. I'm in my crepe paper covered happy float in the joy parade throwing happy candy at your head. Watch out!!

ps I did NOT get any flowers, sad. I especially did not get any flowers from the specific person who owed me flowers. It's okay, though, I'll kill them with kindness.

Posted by Heather at 8:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

Today I got elevated to the status of 'verb'. Pretty sweet if you ask me!

Later goals include gerund and dangling participle.

If I do it right, my entire biography can be written like a Smurf script.

Posted by Heather at 8:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

but without the prostitution, money, parties, train sex, or tighty whiteys. I'm all alone this weekend. Logic would dictate that if your ex is out of the house for the weekend this would open up the doors for all sorts of debauchery and craziness.

Aaaah, age has not been kind to me. This weekend I'll be cleaning, doing laundry, making bread, going to a geek party and essentially chilling.

Also, I'll be heading out to the cheering sections to cheer Jen on as she walks 3 days/60 miles for breast cancer research. Send your good mojo to Jen, she'll need it!!

Posted by Heather at 8:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

I'm tired, good long weekend. Lots of relaxing, hanging with the puppy, hanging with friends, knitting, and most importantly, stone cold chillin. Or something.

Song of the week is Guster's Rocketship. It makes me tear up every time. Probably PMS time.

Though, Ben Harper's Waiting on an Angel is a close second.

edit: That's 'tear up' as in water coming out of my eyes, not 'tear up' like getting drunk and running through town square with covered in chocolate sauce and raisins.

Posted by Heather at 8:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

I wish I had the time, the resources and the wherewithal to adopt another puppy. If I did Tank would be mine! Of course, I'd have to change his name to Kubla just to keep the theme.

I'll wait until I move and get settled. If things go well I might get a puppy friend for Ghengis.

Happy Labor day to all who celebrate! Ghengis is celebrating by piling all his toys together and chewing everything at once. He's a lucky puppy.

Posted by Heather at 8:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

Halfway done with this holiday weekend and nothing interesting to report. I need to start participating in more interesting activities, or more specifically, activities on the 'Interesting Scale' that fall between the boring bits I can post here and the definitely not so boring bits that common decency prevents me from mentioning.

April moved out this weekend. I'm pretty sad about it. It was really nice to have her around. On the other hand I'll probably cut back on my smoking (i say this knowing I have 2 cartons of cigarettes making their way over here from Sweden. Aaah the Swedes, their cigarettes are so very very cheap you can't afford not to smoke).

An acquaintance I had not heard from in months called me up last night to say hi and tell me he missed me. Nice. It was good to hear from him, though he was terribly shy. Now I have another person on my list to see before I move.

No new pictures of Ghengis. I should get some soon. We've worked our way through the training basics, now we're on to 'no jumping' and 'no barking'. He's curled up next to me, snoring, upset that I wouldn't go back to bed with him. What kind of puppy wants to sleep late? My kind of puppy.

I have an obsession with LJGrabbers. It pulls the last 30 images posted to Livejournal. You can just sit there and reload and watch the images fly. It's a good thing no one takes Livejournal as a cross section of society. If they did, they'd come away thinking that 90% of american society is populated by adolescent emo-goth kids who cut themselves, "are utterly alone" and wear too much make up. My advice to them (and most people I know, myself included somedays) is 'get over yourself'.

Today, I'm off to a Twins game with Alan. He's really good about taking me to games and then sitting there, answering all of my probably retarded questions. "How come at some games they wear one color but at other games they wear another?" "why is that an error? it looked perfectly fine to me." "Do you want a beer? I do!". I repay his kindness with ballpark beer and a multitude of snacks. When I get settled in after I move I'll take him to a game at Camden Yards.

That's about it. I need to shower and walk the dog before I go to the game. Hopefully, I can get to IKEA tonight, they're having a bedroom sale. Woo.

ps if anyone's doing anything interesting for labor day, give me an invite! all my plans got cancelled.

Posted by Heather at 8:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

« August 2004 | Main | October 2004 »

I knew it had to happen, eventually. Things were just going so damned well for so damned long that it was bound to take a nosedive.

Work, personal, love, moving, medical. All of it found a way to poke me in the ribs. Granted, none of it is devastating, just weighing down on me. I probably have PMS on top of it all, which would explain the fits of rage and the urge to consume people's souls from the inside.

This morning I woke up convinved it was Thursday, when I got to work and discovered the truth I wanted to cry. Actually, I did cry.

I need a break. Just a little one. It's coming up, I've got Austin to look forward to! 16 more days and I jump on a plane and go away for a weekend.

Tonight I offered to drag the guy at the carry-out counter out back and kick is ass. He seemed up for it, he'd been having a bad day and wanted to work off some steam. Random Girl Fight Club, I'm starting it, you're getting your ass kicked. You won't talk about it.

Now, if you are a kind and generous soul who thinks I need to be cheered up, you can send me flowers. No, let me rephrase that, you SHOULD send me flowers, I deserve it.

Send them to my office. You will learn the joy of being my hero.

Okay, I'm gonna watch Alien now. It's comforting to watch people having a worse time than yourself.

Posted by Heather at 8:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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